


Anxious

by odestaonly



Series: Anxious [1]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Blind Date, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:02:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24649936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odestaonly/pseuds/odestaonly
Summary: "Anxious in the morning. Anxious in the afternoon. Anxious at night. I'm always anxious the medication can never take it away."A young lady goes on a blind date despite the anxiety she feels every day. She had the intent to never see him again but falls in love instead.Modern Day AU
Relationships: Annie Cresta/Finnick Odair, Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
Series: Anxious [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1812391
Comments: 18
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

Blue. Blue is a good color because it compliments my eyes. I think to myself as I shift nervously in my seat. 

_Maybe I should've worn green then or maybe white. What if he doesn't like it? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

"Annie! Caramel latte with skim! Annie!" The barista shouts pulling me from my thoughts. 

I walk through the few people waiting for their drinks. I was lucky to get a table. It isn’t usually this busy if it was, I wouldn’t have suggested to meet here. I don’t like crowded places. 

"Thank you." I mumble to the barista and head back to my table. 

My blue sun dress sways as I take my seat. 

_Did I dress up too much? Maybe I shouldn't have worn the headband. Did I wear too much makeup?_

I take a sip of my drink scalding my throat from the warmth. 

This is why I hate blind dates. I hate dates in general. I've never had a boyfriend. It's kind of embarrassing to think about since I'm almost 21. I've dated but never long enough to have a boyfriend. They say I'm too difficult and strange and honestly, I can't blame them. I am difficult to date because I have terrible anxiety. Not the kind of anxiety that is just first date jitters but the kind that makes certain things, things that should be normal difficult. The first panic attack I had I thought I was dying. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. I just heard the heartbeat in my ears and felt the panic. 

The medication makes it better, but I still end up asking multiple questions and think of every possible thing that could go wrong. 

I only agreed to go on this blind date to shut my roommate up. 'He'll be perfect for you' 'when's the last time you got laid?' 'you just need to have some fun.'. That last one is what convinced me. I don't want to be a lonely hermit. 

The only information she offered for me to identify him was that he had bronze hair and green eyes. She said I would easily recognize him. I'm hoping she gave him a more detailed account. She did ask what I was wearing but she wouldn't even let me know the guy's name so I wouldn't try to find him online and say no. 

I sigh and take another sip. I look at my phone for the time. 

He's late. 

_Just by a few minutes. What if he got lost? What if he can’t find me? What if he didn't show? What if he saw me and left?_

I snap the rubber band on my wrist trying to calm my thoughts. Trying to keep myself grounded. A doctor told me to do it once and it helped. So, every day I wear a rubber band. They have colorful ones so I'm wearing a blue one today. I want to make it look like an accessory so no one will think it is weird. Although I don't think many people are looking or care about Annie Cresta, I can't help it. I always think someone is judging me. 

"Excuse me?" I hear a soft voice say and look up. 

Bronze hair. Green eyes. He's wearing jeans and a green plaid button up t-shirt that complements his eyes. Johanna’s right anyone would recognize this guy because he is so tall. His hair is oh so messy in the best way. He is very handsome, far too handsome to date a plain Jane like myself. 

Johanna said he was, and I quote ‘a panty dropper’. Whatever the hell that means.

"Yes… I mean hi." I say and tuck a piece of my dark hair behind my ear. 

He's looking at me like he is studying me. 

"You're Annie, right? Johanna's roommate." He says with a smile. He’s got one of those cute dimples on the left side of his cheek. 

I nod. 

"Good all she would tell me was you were wearing a blue dress and your name." He says and pulls out the chair across from me. 

"She left out your name." I say. 

"That girl." He says with a smile shaking his head. "Finnick." He says. 

"Hello Finnick." I say. 

"Hello Annie." He says with a smile. "I've never been to this cafe before." He says. 

"Oh well they're better than Starbucks." I say. 

I come to this cafe often because it's equal distance from my apartment and campus. It isn't anything special, but they do have very good and very strong coffee. 

_What if he doesn't like it?_ I think to myself

This is one of my favorite places and I can't go to many restaurants. I hate trying new things there are too many unknowns. Too many things that could go wrong.

_It doesn't matter. He doesn't need to like it._ I think to myself. I probably won’t even see him after today. I’m only doing this to shut Johanna up.

"What's your usual?" He asks and points at my cup. 

"Uh latte." I say. I switch off between caramel and vanilla. I had vanilla last time so today is a caramel day. They have good biscotti too but if I wanted a pastry I would go down the street to Mellark’s. 

"I'll try one of those then… be right back." He says and heads to the counter. 

_Is he bored already? Is this an excuse to leave?_

I start snapping the rubber band again. 

"Nervous?" He says with a smile. 

I take my hand away and feel my face flush. I don't like when people notice I do that. I doubt people stare at me or even care, but it still embarrasses me. 

"I'm not very good at blind dates." I say. 

"Don't worry you're my first one." He says. 

_I bet._ I think to myself as he sits down.

Finnick is very attractive and I'm sure he could easily find a date if he wanted. I hope Johanna isn't pulling some joke. I hope he doesn't expect to take me home and have sex. My throat tightens at the thought. 

I take a long sip of my latte to try and calm myself. I should've gotten decaf. 

"So how do you know Johanna?" Finnick asks. 

"Freshman year we lived in the same dorm and now we're roommates.” 

I would normally not be friends with someone like Johanna. She’s loud, boisterous, and inappropriate at times. However, she is one of my closest friends. Both of our roommate’s freshman year were horrible people. Mine was messy and seemed to like having sex when I was in the room. I think it was some type of turn on for her. It was just uncomfortable for me, so I stayed away from my room as often as possible. Which meant I stayed in the lounge a lot which is how I met Johanna. 

Her roommate was too overbearing and didn’t seem to understand personal space. Johanna yelled at her a few times but then the R.A got involved and made threats of evicting her from the dorm. I don’t even know if they can do that, but Johanna didn’t look into it. 

So, she too tried to stay away from her room as much as possible. She didn’t want the risk of giving her roommate a black eye. So that is the grand story of how Johanna met Annie. 

“How did you meet her?" I ask. 

He takes a sip of his drink and makes a face. 

"Not to your liking?" I ask with a small smile. 

"It's so strong." He says. 

"Well I like it." I say and we sit in silence. "So how do you know Jo?" I ask again. 

"Oh, we had some general classes together and were thrown in a few group projects." 

"Bet you ended up with all the work." I say. I wouldn’t call Johanna lazy, but she doesn’t always put in 100% effort. At least in my book but I have very high standards. 

Finnick smiles. 

"So, we could do all the standard getting to know you questions, where are you from and what's your major _or_ we could ask the real juicy questions." He says with a smirk. 

"Dare I ask what is a juicy question?" I ask trying not to sound worried. 

"Like your favorite color." He says. 

"That's juicy?" I say. I don’t know what I expected but not something as simple as my favorite color. 

"Oh yes." He says and smiles that dimpled smile. 

"Well mine is blue." I say. At least this isn’t something hard to discuss. Unless he thinks my favorite color describes my personality. 

"Like your dress?" He asks. 

My dress is a deep navy blue. 

"Prefer it on the lighter side like the sky on a cloudless day, but blue is blue." I say and take a sip. "You?" I ask. 

"Green… like your eyes." He says with a flirtatious smile. 

I chuckle. 

"Is that your pickup line?" I ask. 

He shrugs. 

"I'm serious I like emerald green." He says. 

That is how most people describe my eyes dark like emeralds. 

"Your turn." He says. 

"Uhh… favorite tv show." I ask. It's the first thing that comes to mind. 

He smirks. I wonder what he is thinking. 

"It was _Game of Thrones,_ but they butchered the ending, but the earlier seasons are still amazing." He says. 

"That's the one with the dragons, right?" I ask. 

I remember my other roommate's ex-boyfriend loved that show. That's the only thing I remember when seeing it on TV. 

He looks at me like I'm crazy. 

"Yes, there are dragons but that's not entirely what the show is about. You should watch it if you can." 

"I don't have HBO." I say. Also, since it is premium cable there will probably be lots of naked people. Something I don’t enjoy looking at with a room full of people. 

"There are ways around that." He says with a devilish smile. 

I roll my eyes. 

"I don't break the law." I say. It may seem silly but when I was younger those FBI warnings of fines and how you can go to jail for pirating scared me. I know I probably won’t end up in jail for pirating something but getting charged 100,000 dollars is something to think about. 

"You're telling me you've never streamed or pirated anything." He says with a smirk. 

_Why does that smirk make me more attracted to him?_

"Not on my computer." I mumble Johanna does it all the time. 

He smiles. 

"Well I can lend you my password." He says. "Now you." He says and makes another face when he sips his drink. 

"Are you one of those people who puts a lot of sugar and flavored crap in your coffee so you hide the taste of it?" I ask with a smile. 

"I just like sweet things. If you see something sweet you might as well grab it." He says with a smile. "When I was little, I always wanted to have dessert before dinner."

"Well I'm glad to hear you grew out of it." I say.

"Not really my parents just made me think a dessert was a reward for dinner so I would eat everything."

I chuckle.

"Although now that I live by myself and am a good boy I sometimes go back to my old ways." He says with a devilish smile.

I laugh. 

"Well there are desserts here if you need something sweet or you could grab a sugar packet." I say and point to the corner.

"Oh sugar." He says. "Be right back." He says and heads to the sugar.

He comes back with at least fifteen packets of sugar. 

"Are you going to use all of those?" I ask surprised.

"We'll see." He says and smiles. "I believe it was your turn." He says.

"What?" I ask confused.

He rips open a packet and spills the white stuff into his cup. 

"You know your favorite TV show." He says and adds two more packets before he takes a sip.

"Oh, um right. Well I've watched _The Office_ more times than I can count but don't know if it would be my favorite. I find television fascinating. I have a friend in the film program and seeing the whole process is something." I say.

The school has many in house shows. They even report the weather. My friend Cressida showed me the room once and it is set up like a newsroom with a desk, fancy cameras, and audio equipment.

Cressida is more interested in documentaries but it's a requirement to take a studio TV class. Cressida complained about it all the time, but I think it's cool. But it’s not something I could see myself doing for the rest of my life. 

"Are you a film major then?" He asks. 

I shake my head. 

"I am going after an art major… a focus in pottery." 

"That's when you make stuff with clay, right?" He asks and adds another sugar packet. 

I nod. 

"I sell some pieces online when I have the time… I want to own a pottery store. I'm minoring in business." I say and feel myself blush. Johanna always makes fun of me when I say this. 

“How did you get into that?” He asks. 

“Back home there was this class at the rec center I would take every summer. I was good at it according to my teacher and I really liked it. It helped with the...” I clear my throat not wanting to say it helped with my anxiety issues. “Anyway, now I teach a class there every summer. It’s on a volunteer basis but I get to use the equipment and the paints are free.” 

He smiles. 

"So, if I went on Etsy would I be able to find works from Annie?" He says, pulling out his phone. 

"Maybe… maybe not." I say not wanting him to find my stuff. “That’s your 7th one.” I say when he pours another sugar packet in the drink.

“Like I said I like sweet things.” He says with a smile. “I'm a marketing major. I want to do stuff with sports." He says. 

"Sports marketing?” I ask and he nods. “Well, I know next to nothing about sports, but it is probably nice to do something you're passionate about. Do you have a favorite sport or team?” I ask even though I won’t be able to keep the conversation going. 

“I like football and basketball too… pretty much anything I enjoy. I do think our football team is terrible this year, but I’ll still go to the game if I can.” He says with a smile. 

I nod. 

“That’s number 8.” I say when he adds another sugar packet. 

We talk more about multiple topics. Our hometown, books, sports which I know nothing of, his dog, etc. I find him very easy to talk with. My latte has long been gone when Finnick says he has to leave for work. He wouldn’t tell me his job just that it was for the school. My mind went to someone working in the campus center. 

"So… can I see you again?" He asks. 

I had no intention of seeing the guy Johanna set me up with again, but I can't say no. I want to know more about him. I want to spend more time with him. 

"Yeah… of course." I pull out a sticky note and pen from my purse. "Here." I say and hand him the paper with my number on it. 

He smiles. 

"You have neat handwriting." He says and starts to program it into his phone. 

I hear my phone buzz and pick it up. 

"That's my number." He says. 

"Obviously." I say. He texted: ‘this is Finnick’. 

"What's your last name?" I ask. I like having the full name programmed into my phone 

"Odair." He says and looks worried. 

"Okay Finnick Odair." I say and program it into my phone. 

"It was nice meeting you Annie." He says with a smile. He touches my hand sending sparks through my body. 

"Yeah you too." I say. 

"Bye." He says. 

"Bye." I say and he leaves. 

* * *

"So, did you have a good time?" Johanna asks as soon as I walk inside. 

She’s sitting in the armchair almost like she was waiting for me. Her short hair is flying in all different directions. She doesn’t have anything to do today so she might have just woken up even though it is almost 4:00 pm. 

I nod. 

“Surprisingly yes.” I say and take my shoes off and put them on the mat. “He was really nice and sweet." 

“I told you he was perfect for you and so good looking.” She smirks. 

"If you find him so good looking why haven't you hit on him?" I regret asking it right after. What if Johanna and Finnick did ‘hang out’.

Johanna smirks 

"Not my type." She says. 

I roll my eyes. 

"Whatever you say." I say.

“So, you think he is a panty dropper as well.” She says.  
  


“What the hell does that even mean Johanna?” I ask. 

“Do I seriously need to explain what that means? My God you are almost as bad as Katniss with the purity.” She says. Katniss is our other roommate I wouldn’t call her pure or myself but compared to Johanna we could be considered nuns. 

I let out a sigh. 

“It means lots of girls want to take their panties off for him, but don’t worry he wants to try dating rather than picking up bar sluts.” Johanna says. 

I clear my throat. 

“Don’t worry Finnick isn’t some douche.” She says in a nicer voice. 

“It seemed like that.” I say. 

“There’s the spirit. So where are you going next time?” She asks. 

“I don’t know.” I say and snap the rubber band. “We exchanged numbers and he said he wanted to see me again.” I say. 

“Don’t worry Finnick will call you in a few days if you don’t call him first.” Johanna says. 

“Okay.” I say. 

"Hey, Katniss wants us to meet her at that Italian restaurant you like. She wants us to spend time with her boyfriend." 

I met Katniss through Johanna. We needed a third roommate and Katniss was the one who agreed. I was nervous she would be like Johanna… loud, inappropriate, and lude but she’s not like her. She’s a little rough around the edges but is nice. 

"Katniss said that?" I ask surprised. Katniss is more of a homebody. 

"I think it was her boyfriend’s suggestion. He wants to spend more time with her friends. Why we can't just sit around and watch Netflix together baffles me." She says. 

I nod and put my keys down. 

"So, are you coming or what?" She asks. 

I think it over. I would like to get to know her boyfriend better, but I don’t know how it will play out. 

"You're sure she said La Bella's?" I ask. 

I've been there before so I know the menu. Italian restaurants usually have something I like. 

"Yes, I'm sure." She says with a smirk. 

"What time?" I ask. 

"She wants us at the restaurant at 5:30." Johanna says. 

_That's close to prime business hours… it might be busy which means there might be a lot of people. Lots of people mean it will be very crowded and confined. What if I got separated or-_

"Annie, relax you've been there before and nothing bad has happened." She says. 

“There could be a lot of people." I mumble. 

"Don't worry I'll fend them off if someone tries to attack you." She says. 

"Okay." I say. I'm not worried someone will attack me. I'm worried I will get trampled or get lost, or made fun of, or, or... 

I start slapping the rubber band. 

"It will be fine Annie." Johanna says with a soft smile scaring me. Johanna isn't the warm cuddly type. 

I nod. 

"I'm going to shower before." I say. 

"Okay." She says with a smile. 

_Everything is going to be fine._ I think to myself in the shower. Nothing bad is going to happen of course. 

* * *

"Annie, Jo!" Katniss says when we walk inside the restaurant. It’s nothing too fancy, it's just a local Italian place but it is rather large. Multiple tables and large booths with white tablecloths fill the place and maps of Italy plaster the walls. 

I didn't bother dressing up for this. My hair is in a ponytail and I'm wearing my favorite pair of jeans with a t-shirt that has the school logo. 

Katniss’s boyfriend is standing next to her. His blonde hair and stocky build make him stand out. Her boyfriend is really sweet to almost everyone he meets. He is also just the kind of guy Katniss needs in her life. 

After Katniss's ex-boyfriend cheated on her I thought she would never date again. She cried and ate tubs of ice cream. The stereotypical break up things. Then she met Peeta, a guy who is crazy about her and probably one of the nicest people I have ever met. He balances Katniss's crassness. 

"Johanna, Annie." Peeta says with a smile. 

I'm surprised he remembered our names. We've only met once but Katniss probably talks about us. 

"Hi." I say with a smile. 

"Hey there nice guy." Johanna says and pats his shoulder. 

He nods. 

"They said there was a ten minute wait time." Katniss says with a smile which are hard to come by. Katniss has her dark hair up in a braid, like usual, and is wearing a shirt similar to mine. 

I take a deep breath that must mean it is busy. 

"I'm sure it won't take too long." Katniss says looking at me. 

"I hope so, I'm starving." Johanna says. 

I start to snap my rubber band as the waiting area fills up. 

_I can’t do this. I can’t do this._

I take a deep breath. 

_Yes, you can. You’re just going out to eat._

"Make anything new Annie?" I hear Peeta ask. 

"What?" I say confused and stop snapping. 

"I asked if you have been making any new pottery sets?" Peeta asks with a smile. 

I sigh talking will keep my mind off all the people around me. 

"Not really school is getting in the way. In the summer and during break I can probably make something." I say. 

"Why, you in the business for something?" Johanna asks Peeta. 

"Maybe a decorative bowl or vase." He says. 

"Well I can make you something custom if you want." I say. I hope it is obvious that I don’t mean for free 

He nods. 

"Katniss! Table for 6!" The hostess says. 

“6?” I say confused. 

“I invited my roommate, but he bailed.” Peeta says. 

“Oh.” I say. 

We get seated quickly in a very large booth. 

"Your waiter will be right with you." The hostess says with a smile. 

I order the same thing I always do, a diet coke and lasagna. 

I considered ordering the chicken alfredo but was too worried I wouldn't like it. If I didn't like it that would be a waste of money and food. 

Speaking of money. 

I look around the table. 

_How are we paying? Are we doing a group pay or is everyone paying their own? Katniss invited us, does that mean she will pay? That's doubtful Annie she's as poor as you._

"I gotta go to the bathroom." I say abruptly cutting off the conversation I wasn't listening to. I made sure to sit on the outside so no one would have to move for me if I needed to make a break for it. 

“Okay." Katniss says. 

I hate hate hate public restrooms because they are always dirty in some way. My parents made me get a job at a fast food restaurant when I was in high school. I remember one girl when it was her turn to clean the bathroom she didn't really bother with the soap. She just used paper towels. It makes me think there are lazy workers like that everywhere. 

Then there are the hand dryers that supposedly blow around poop particles when in use. I know they are eco-friendly, but I don't want to get poop particles on my hands after washing them. 

Despite knowing about all the dirty germs in this cesspool, I splash water on my face. It usually helps. 

I hear the door open and see Katniss in the mirror.

"Annie." I hear Katniss say. 

"I'm fine." I say and wipe my face with a paper towel. 

"You looked… out of it." Katniss says. 

_I hope Peeta couldn’t tell._

"I was just worried about how we would be paying." I say looking at my feet. It sounds stupid now. 

"Oh, Jo hates group pay and so do you. We are all going to have our own check… except Peeta he likes paying for my meals." She says. 

I nod. 

"Peeta's very nice." I say. 

"He thinks you are too now the food is probably at the table." She says. 

"Okay." I say and dry my hands. 

The dinner seems to go on forever. Peeta is nice and if he thought the bathroom incident was weird, he didn’t comment. 

“No way their defense is way better Peeta.” Johanna says. They have been fighting over which sports team is the best. It’s pretty comical to see them fighting but I wish Johanna would keep her voice down. I think some people are staring. 

“Not true and your team relies more on a single player than the rest. It’s what makes your team so weak.” 

“Annie back me up.” Johanna says. 

“Well I don’t really-” 

“Annie hates sports.” Katniss says. 

“Ugh that’s right.” Johanna groans. 

“Why don’t we call it a tie.” Peeta says. 

“That’s the best you’ll probably get from Johanna.” I say. 

The checks arrive and I feel stupid for even worrying about who would pay in the first place. It seems so obvious what would happen now but I just had to worry about it. 

_You blow everything out of proportion. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

* * *

“Thank you, class, remember your papers are due on Friday. I will not accept anything late, no excuses.” Professor Coin says. 

This woman is very strict. I always feel anxious going to her class because I’m afraid I will get called on and no one wants to be called on in her class. It’s not that the questions are always hard, it's how she will react to your answer. If it’s not detailed enough, she will get angry. If it’s not descriptive enough then she will get angry. If it's too descriptive she doesn't like it either. It’s hard to find the right balance to her questions. 

I don’t expect to get an A in her class, maybe not even a B but if I can keep a 3.0 GPA, I get to keep my scholarship. It’s not a full ride but it is better than nothing. I already have a pile of student loans hanging over my head. Any discount I get the better.

I pack up my things and head to the library. All I have left to do today is tutor a student in the tutoring center. 

I see the coffee kiosk and decide to grab a coffee. The one by the library always has decent coffee.

“What can I get for you?” The cashier asks.

“Just a vanilla latte.” I say and pull out my student I.D. 

"Annie!" I hear and turn to see the tall tanned Finnick Odair. His hair is still perfectly messy and he’s wearing a school spirit shirt. I’m not surprised the school football game is tonight and I’m sure he is going. It’s been a day since the date and I’m too nervous to call him. I’m a little glad I randomly ran into him. 

"Hi Finnick." I say with a smile. 

“So, coffee time?” He asks. 

“Every time is coffee time. I start my day at 5:00 am.” I say. 

“Why?” He asks.

“I have a 7:15 class and I like to run a mile before I start my day.” I say. 

“Didn’t peg you for a runner.” He says. 

“I ran track a little in high school.” I say. I don’t want to add I stopped because I couldn’t take the pressure.

Jogging around the block keeps my thoughts at bay. With the music blasting in my ears it is hard to think of anything else. 

“It takes you almost two hours to run a mile?” He asks baffled.

I smile.

“No, it takes about eight minutes." It was 5 when I was on the track team but what can I say. I don't train any longer. I don't have a reason to. 

“Wow go you.” He says.

“Thanks, I guess?” I say. 

“But what do you have to do that takes so long?”

“I am a girl I have to make myself look pretty.” I tease. “I also have to eat.” I say. 

“And I bet drink coffee.” He says with a smile 

“Your total comes out to $2.50.” The cashier says. I pay and take the drink. 

“So, tonight is the football game.” Finnick says. 

“Yeah I know one of my professors is crazy for the football team.” I say not to mention my cafe has a discount for students who can show their I.D.

“Well, I was thinking maybe we could go to the game tonight. I have a ticket to spare. My family enjoys buying season passes so the seats are pretty good.” He says. 

“Oh-” I start but he doesn’t stop. 

“Don’t worry you don’t have to get dressed up in spirit gear.” He says. 

“I don’t understand football.” I say. The last time I went to a football game I was in high school and only went to hang out with my friends and order food from the concession stands. I never stayed very long and hid away from everyone...the people. 

If dealing with a crowded restaurant is hard this would be a nightmare. The stadium would be filled not to mention all the people sitting near me. Besides, I would feel stupid for not knowing the sport. 

I know Finnick is asking because he likes me but going to a stadium filled with hundreds of people makes my heart race. 

_What if I got separated from Finnick? What if the stadium collapsed because it couldn’t hold everyone? What if I get trampled because the stands are too big? What if-_

“Don’t worry I can explain everything to you.” He says snapping me from my worries. 

I nod. My throat is tight, and I feel like I shouldn’t be here. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. I start snapping the rubber band trying to calm down. I don’t want to have a panic attack in front of him even though I feel one coming on. 

“No thanks Finnick.” I manage to get out. “You shouldn’t waste your ticket on me. Besides, I have lots of homework to do…” I trail off. It’s a lame excuse but I can’t go to that football game. I want to but it would be a disaster.

_You’re too difficult Annie!_ I hear in my head. The last person I dated said that a lot when I said I couldn’t go many places. It’s not like I want to be afraid to try new things… I can’t help it. I only dated that guy a couple of weeks but that was the last thing he said to me. 

“Oh.” He says confused and hurt. 

“Next time maybe. You can text me and update me on the game.” I say with a smile.

“Maybe I could see you sometime this weekend?” He asks. 

“I would really like that.” I say hoping I’m not laying it on too thick. I don’t want to hurt him.

“I’d like that.” He says with a smile. 

My phone beeps. I know it’s the alarm to tell me to be in the tutoring center. 

“I gotta go to the tutoring center. Text me later.” I say with a smile. 

“Okay.” He says and smiles back. He seems happier. I think I smoothed it over.

“Bye Finnick.” I say. 

“Bye Annie.” He says with a smile. 

I turn and walk inside the library. I head up the escalator and swipe my student I.D. to get into the tutoring center. 

I head to room 2 the same room I always am assigned to. I like the familiarity of it makes things easier. Tutoring is fine for me because I know the answers of the homework and people come to me for help. Some of the students do make my anxiety flare up but not to point where I feel like I am drowning. 

“Cato.” I say when he walks in. He’s a bulky guy with short blonde hair. He’s on the football team. He’s very muscly and has an anger problem or so I am told. He seems to keep it together during our sessions.

“Annie.” He says and puts down his backpack on the empty chair. Once his materials are on the table, I set the timer. 

I’m supposed to tutor for exactly an hour, so I set a timer to make sure they get every minute they pay for. 

“So, have you been studying for the test? Did you go over the worksheets I gave you?” I ask. I can guess the answers he rarely does the stuff I give him. 

Cato is smart enough to not need a tutor. When I edit his papers there are very little errors. I tutor in English and Art, but I know he has tutors for Math and Sciences as well. I think his parents make him have one or maybe he is worried about his GPA. I know athletes need to have a certain GPA. It doesn’t really matter to me I get paid regardless.

“I’ve been studying… I did most of the worksheets. I had a few questions though.” 

“Okay.” I say and look at his worksheet.

“Annie listen the game is tonight-”

“And you need to take off early?” I ask. 

“Yeah.” He says.

“We could’ve rescheduled.” I say. 

“That’s okay. I understand most of this anyway.” He says. 

I nod. 

He isn’t wrong. Most of the answers from the study guide and my worksheets are correct. He could probably leave right now and still ace the test. 

“What position do you play?” I blurt out. I don’t really care about his personal life but knowing Finnick likes football makes me think I should make the effort to learn. Even if it is from Cato.

“What do you want me to tutor you on how football works?” He asks with a smirk. 

“I was just curious. I like to get to know my students.” I lie. I’m sure Cato knows I’m lying as well. 

“Whatever you say Annie.” He says and smirks again. 

I clear my throat. I should just ask Johanna she loves watching the football games.

“Here are the correct answers. You can look over them and ask me questions if you don’t understand.” I say and hand him the papers.

He glances down at the paper. I can tell he isn’t reading it. 

“I know it all. So, I’m going to head out.” He says. 

“Okay.” I say. 

I press pause on the timer when he leaves the room. He was only here for thirty-five minutes. I pull out a paper and write it down on my own personal log. He has never stayed for the entire hour. The longest he has lasted is 47 minutes. 

I would be concerned about this but it is Cato. He’s smart enough to get it right.

* * *

“Johanna?” I say when I walk inside there are six people in the apartment. All guys. 

“Annie hi.” She says and stands up. She ushers me into the kitchen. “Listen this just happened we are going to watch the game. I’m sorr-”

“You don’t have to apologize for inviting people over to your house.” I say. Katniss and Johanna both like to make plans in advance so I won’t freak out. Having people over doesn’t freak me out unless we get in the double digits. Our apartment is not big enough to house over ten people. Well, I guess you could but there would be no space in the main room. “Are more people coming over?” I ask. 

“Don’t worry I’m not going to break yours and Katniss’s double digit rule.” She says. Katniss isn’t a fan when multiple people are in our apartment either. “Besides, I thought you might have a hot date tonight.” Johanna says. 

“No hot date.” I say. 

“You should just call him.” Johanna says. 

“I ran into him earlier.”

“And he didn’t ask you out?” Johanna asks surprised. 

“He wanted me to go to the football game with him.” I mumble. 

The idea of the stadium collapsing seems silly, but it felt like a real possibility at the time.

I sigh. I consider calling him but know I would just freak out once we got in the stadium.

_Stupid. Stupid Stupid._

“Oh… did you tell Finnick why you couldn’t go with him?” She asks. 

“I told him I didn’t understand football and that I had homework.” I say.

Johanna rolls her eyes.

“He’s going to think you’re blowing him off.” Johanna says. 

“Don’t worry I promised I would see him this weekend.” I say. 

Johanna nods. 

“You know you’ll have to tell him about the anxiety thing eventually because it won’t come up naturally.” She says. 

“I know.” I say. “But I don’t want to chase him away before the second date.” I say. 

“You won’t chase anyone away.” Johanna says. 

“Johanna what the hell is taking so long?” One of the guys shouts. 

I roll my eyes. 

“Keep your panties on!” She yells. “We’re going to order pizza later and I can order you an Annie special just for you.” She says with a smile. 

An Annie special is a pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, banana peppers, and extra cheese.

“Thanks but I’ll probably just hang out in my room for the first of the night.” I say.

“Okay.” She says.

“Johanna!” One of the guys shout.

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. She goes back to the main and yells at them to shut the hell up.

I open the fridge and grab a water bottle then walk down the hall to my room. I toss my stuff aside and fall back on the bed.

I pull out my phone.

I grab my laptop from my nightstand and search ‘rules of football’. There’s even a Wikipedia page for the rules of American football. It probably isn’t as complicated as I think it is. Johanna or Finnick explaining it to me would probably make it a lot easier.

I know I am just stalling because the minute I stop doing anything I’m going to start thinking about what Johanna said.

_You don’t need to tell Finnick anything because you’re normal. You are a normal girl Annie. A normal insignificant girl._


	2. Chapter 2

I groan when I hear my alarm go off. Which means it is exactly 7:00 a.m. It may seem a little early for a Saturday morning but it’s what I do every Saturday. It’s what I’ve done every Saturday since I was 14. 

On the weekend I wake up at 7:00 a.m. and go for a run. Unlike weekdays where I run an exact mile, I run until I feel tired. Then I go to Mellark's to get a danish and large cup of black coffee to bring home.

I put on my sports bra, oversized shirt, and leggings. I carefully take out my running shoes from the closet. I generally don’t like keeping shoes anywhere but the shoe mat, but these are special. I only wear them when I jog. I don’t want them to get dirty or wet from other shoes. So, they stay safely in my closet next to my boots and high heels. 

When I walk outside my room, I see one of the guys is sleeping on the couch. Johanna’s friends weren’t terribly loud. They cheered when there was a touchdown and drunkenly laughed.

I grab a water bottle and granola bar and head back to my room.

I start to stretch. I hate when other people see me stretch. I just worry that people will look at me and think I'm doing it wrong. 

I know it is stupid just like all the other things I worry about, but I can’t help it. I took a yoga class with Johanna once and I had to leave because I felt eyes staring at me the whole time. People judging me, laughing at me. 

I felt stupid and embarrassed for no logical reason. 

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

I grab a light green rubber band and slip it on. Today that will be the thing that keeps me grounded. 

I put my hair up in a ponytail trying to make sure there are no fly away hairs. I don't want them to get in my way. I don’t want to look sloppy.

I grab my keys, headphones, phone, arm strap, and leave the apartment. When I get outside, I open my running playlist which is basically a bunch of loud rock and top 40 music. I place the headphones in and turn the music up far too loud and take off running. 

It’s hard to think of anything but the lyrics of the songs playing as I run. I’ve probably run a mile when the music suddenly stops and my phone rings. 

“Hello.” I say breathing heavily. 

“Annie are you okay?” I hear my Mother’s voice say. She sounds worried. 

_She always is when it comes to you._

“I’m fine I was just running.” I say. 

“Oh, that’s good.” She says. 

“So, what’s up?” I ask. 

“I wanted to ask if you would have dinner after your doctor's appointment next week.” She says. 

“Oh sure.” I say. I know my voice sounds funny. She only asks me over for dinner when something is wrong. 

“Don’t worry Annie nothing is wrong. Your brother is bringing home his boyfriend and wants you to meet him."

My brother is two years older than myself. He's been dating this guy for a couple months but a part of me thinks she has a different agenda in mind. 

"You're not lying Mom, are you?" I ask.

"Of course, not Annie." She says.

"Okay." I say. 

"Well I'll let you get back to your run. I love you sweetie."

"I love you too Mom." 

"Bye Annie."

"Bye." I say.

_God, I hope she's not lying._

* * *

_What do I want today?_ I think to myself as I look at the pastry case. I don't have a usual here. Mellark's doesn't always have the same pastries because they make them fresh daily. But I can always find something. The chocolate croissant and cherry danish are my favorites but they also make excellent biscotti.

The display is always beautiful from the pastries to the cake pops. All the items are placed in a perfect order. It’s beautiful in a way.

Katniss says her boyfriend helps make everything but is the only one who frosts the cakes and cookies. Peeta is an excellent chef everything he makes I like. I think Katniss would have a love affair with the cheese buns he makes if it was possible.

"Hello Annie." I hear and look up. Peeta is behind the counter. I shouldn't be surprised this is his family's shop.

"Hi Peeta." I say and smile.

He smiles back.

"You're up early." He says.

"Oh… yeah I like to get in an early morning jog." I say and fiddle with the end of my ponytail.

_Everything is fine. He doesn’t care what time you woke up. He was just making conversation._

He nods.

"So, what can I get you?" He asks as I look at the pastry case.

"A large coffee and a cherry danish." I say.

"Is this to go?" He asks. 

"Yes please." I say. 

"Can you do me a favor?" Peeta asks.

"What?" I ask.

"Call Finnick today. He was a little bummed you couldn't go to the game with him and when Finnick gets sad he gets needy." He says. "Not too needy." He adds probably not wanting to scare away the girl his friend likes.

"You're friends with Finnick?" I say surprised. 

He nods and hands me my pastry.

"I was a little bummed too but, I already had plans." I say.

"I know and he knows that too. He really likes you Annie."

"I like him too." I say.

"So, you'll call him?" Peeta asks. 

"Yeah." I say. 

He smiles. 

"Alright it's $2.25." He says.

"Did the prices change?" I ask. It's usually $3.75

"Oh no but since you're a friend you get the coffee for free." He says.

"You should always ring me up then." I say as he hands me my coffee.

He chuckles.

"Have a nice day Annie." He says as the bells chime signaling a new customer. 

"You too." I say.

_That's a goal for today, call Finnick. And hopefully set up a date._

* * *

"So how was last night?" I ask Johanna.

"I think I should've laid off the booze." She groans and massages her temples. Her eyes are bloodshot and hair flying in different directions. She’s definitely hungover.

“Did the team win?” I ask.

“Of course not our team is terrible.” Johanna asks and chugs a water bottle.

“Finnick said the same thing.” I say.

She smiles.

“I’m sure he did.” Johanna says.

“Do you think you could um…” I pick at my nails.

“Spit it out Annie.” She says.

“Teach me about football… Finnick really likes sports.”

“Aw that’s so cute you want to learn things to make Finnick happy.” Johanna says.

“I’m sure Finnick would try to do the things I liked.” I say. And that’s when I realize Finnick and I don’t have a lot in common. 

“What’s wrong?” Johanna asks.

“Nothing.” I say but avoid her gaze.

“Can’t fool me I know you’re thinking something stupid.” She says.

I roll my eyes.

“Finnick and I don’t have a lot in common.”

“You’ve been on one date. I highly doubt you know everything about one another.” She says.

“I know but-“

“If it helps, he likes trashy reality tv as much as you do.” She says.

“It helps a little.” I say and take a sip of my coffee.

“So, where’s Katniss?” I ask.

"I think she got lucky considering she never came home."

"Didn't come home?" I ask worried.

_Something bad could've happened to her. What if she got in a car accident? What if she's in the hospital? What if she's dead?_

"She's not dead Annie. She probably just got some cock." Johanna says. 

I roll my eyes.

"I should've asked Peeta." I mumble.

"When did you see him?" She asks confused.

"When I got my breakfast." I say and hold up the coffee cup.

She nods.

"Well if Peeta is okay I'm sure she is too." Johanna says.

“Yeah probably.” I say and finish my coffee. "I need to shower." I say.

Johanna nods.

_She's fine. She's fine. She's fine._ I think to myself as I get in the shower. 

* * *

I french braid my wet hair and get dressed in sweats and an oversized t-shirt. It’s not like I have plans… yet.

I sigh and pick up my phone. I'm still relaxed from the warm water of the shower. If I'm going to call Finnick, now would be the time. 

It rings 3 times before he picks up.

"Hello?" A grumpy voice says.

My eyes go to the clock. It's only 10:30. Maybe he was still asleep. 

"Hi Finnick, it's Annie." I say and twirl the end of my braid.

"Annie." Finnick says. He sounds more alert and happier.

_Is he happy because it’s me?_

"Did I wake you?" I ask.

"No of course not." He says through a yawn.

I smile but feel guilty.

"So why are you calling me so early?" He says.

“It’s 10:30.” I say.

“Well, I guess it’s not to you since you wake up at 5:00 in the morning on a daily basis.” He says.

I can tell he is smiling from the tone of his voice.

“Today I slept in until 7:00.” I say proudly.

“Wow you slept in. I almost feel proud.” He says and chuckles.

“Tease all you want but I called to see if you wanted to hang out or something." I say.

"Right now?" He asks.

I smile.

"No maybe later today." I say.

"Well I'm just glad you're keeping your word that you would see me over the weekend." Finnick says.

"I would never break my word." I say.

"Well that's good. If you didn't call me by 3:00 I was going to call you." He says.

"Oh." I say and feel my face get hot. "Did you want to do something in particular?" I ask.

"I did actually have a plan in mind." He says. I can tell he is smiling. 

"Go on." I say.

“I wanted to take you out. There’s a new Chinese restaurant I’ve been wanting to try." He says and I swallow hard.

I shouldn't be surprised he wants to take me somewhere to eat. That is a very standard thing to do but because I'm me… well it isn't the same.

“Which one?” I ask. 

“Asian Garden my roommate said it’s really good.” He says. 

I can imagine his dimpled smile, but I still feel worried. 

I type in the restaurant name on my laptop. They don’t have their menu listed online. 

_What if I can't find anything? What if I can’t afford anything? It’s new that must mean it is really busy. And it’s Saturday._

I sigh and close my eyes.

"Can we go somewhere else… I don’t really like Chinese food.” I say. It isn’t a complete lie.

“Okay sure do you have a place in mind?” He asks, making me sigh with relief. 

_Thank you. Thank you. Thank you._

“Annie?” He says confused. 

“Uh sorry do you like Greek food? I know this place called Gyro King that’s pretty good.” I say. 

“I can’t say I’ve had much Greek food, but I’d love to go with you.” He says. 

“They have the menu online if you want to look.” I say. 

I bet he doesn’t need to look. He’s a sane person unlike me.

“I like an element of surprise.” He says and I can tell he’s smiling. 

I smile. I wish I was like that. I wish I could go to a restaurant and order whatever I wanted. I wish I could go to Asian Garden or the football game with him.

_One day you’ll be able to._ I think to myself. I’ve been thinking that since I was 14 years old.

“I can drive if you don't have a car. It's about 10 minutes from campus." I say.

I like to be the driver and it's not just because Johanna is a mad woman when it comes to driving. It's because if I die in a fiery car crash, I know it will be at my hand. Although if everyone else dies it will also be at my hand.

I snap my rubber band once. 

_You can't control everything._

"Sure, that would be great. So, what time will you pick me up?" He asks.

"Oh…" I say. It's Saturday so there is already a guarantee it will be busy. "What do you think?" I ask.

"Why don't you come to my place at 6:15?"

"O-okay." I mutter. 

"Unless you're busy?" He says. 

I think he could hear the waver in my voice. 

"No, I'm not busy."

"Okay good. I'll text you my address." Finnick says.

“I’ll see you tonight.” I say.

“I can’t wait.” He says.

I look down at myself and know I can’t wear sweats and a ratty old t-shirt on a date.

* * *

"You look great." Katniss says, trying to show enthusiasm. I know she isn't into the girly girl dressing up for a date and picking out the right outfit but she’s trying. 

"I'd kill for your boobs." Johanna says and I feel my face flush. 

I'm not wearing anything special, just a deep green v-neck t-shirt accompanied with light jeans. I decided to wear my grandmother's gold heart shaped pendant and a light green rubber band.

"We should paint your nails if you're set on wearing those sandals." Johanna says.

"I dunno I don't like the smell-"

"We'll do it on the patio."

"Then I might get dirty." I mutter.

"I think you look wonderful Annie. Besides he probably won't look at your feet unless he has some type of fetish." Katniss says.

Johanna sighs.

"He doesn’t by the way." Johanna says. "I guess the necklace does attract enough attention to your cleavage."

"Johanna if you only set me up with Finnick to have sex tell me now because I don't want to disappoint him." I say.

She smirks.

"I wouldn't do that to you or Katniss. You're both a little prudish."

"Well we can’t all be a pervert like you.” I say. 

“No, you can’t the world would fall into disarray.” She says with a smile. “You should wear that black push up bra.” 

“You just said-” 

“I did but what’s the use of having killer boobs if you don’t show them off.” She says with a smile.

Katniss and I both roll our eyes. Despite this I end up wearing it. 

* * *

I pull into the apartment complex. He lives in the one called The Capitol. It's a new complex on the edge of campus. Johanna and I looked at this place but it was too expensive for us.

I walk inside and press the 4 button on the elevator.

I swallow hard when I enter the elevator. I hate elevators, they're so confined. I also think I will get trapped in one. I blame that one on history not anxiety. When I was little the lights flickered off in an elevator and the door didn't open for several minutes. Ever since then I've preferred stairs. 

I let out a sigh of relief when the elevator doors open. I walk down the hall looking for apartment 451. 

I knock on the door and am surprised when I see it is Peeta who opens the door. 

"Peeta?" I say confused.

_Maybe I got the place wrong. Is Finnick wondering where I am?_

"Hi, come in he's almost ready." 

"You're roommates with Finnick?" I ask.

"Yeah I thought he mentioned it." He says.

"Wonder why Katniss didn't." I mumble.

"She's only met him once and isn't the best with names." Peeta says.

I nod.

Their apartment is much nicer than mine. All the appliances are new, and the space is much bigger.

A plasma TV hangs on the wall and many game systems sit on the floor. All the cords are tangled. It makes me want to organize them. It's so messy. I don't understand how they can live with it like that.

A leather couch sits against the wall and a worn down chair sits in the corner. And a fancy wooden coffee table sits strategically in the middle of the room. 

"Finnick, Annie's here!" Peeta shouts with a smile plastered on his face.

A few moments later Finnick walks out. I'm starting to think Finnick styles his hair to make it look perfectly messy. 

I don't care it's perfect for him. 

"Annie hi. Sorry I kept you waiting." He says with a smile.

"It's okay." I say and smile. "You ready?" I ask. He’s wearing a blue polo shirt with dark jeans. I notice we are both wearing each other’s favorite colors and I don’t think it is a coincidence.

He nods and grabs keys from a small dish sitting on the kitchen counter.

"Let’s go." He says and leads us to the elevator. I shift my feet when we get on the elevator. 

"You look nice." He says.

"Thanks." I say and smile. "So, do you." I say. 

“I figured I should wear blue for you.” He says with his dimpled smile.

* * *

“So, Greek food?” He says as he gets in my red beat up 2008 Honda sedan. This car may be old, but it is reliable and familiar.

“Yeah, that’s okay right?” I ask nervously. If he decides to change his mind now things will be bad. I just want to get through this second date before he finds out how much a freak I am.

“Of course it is. I’m actually a little excited I’ve never had Greek food.” He says and smiles. 

“Well I hope you enjoy it. I’m curious though, is Chinese the go to for you?” I ask. 

“Not really, I just wanted to try that restaurant.” He says.

“Oh.” I say and my grip on the wheel tightens.

“But since you don’t like Chinese, I can go by myself or order a bunch of food and try to find something you like.”

“A good date for you would be sitting in the apartment eating Chinese food with me?” I say.

“Oh yes… I don’t need anything fancy. I just like hanging out with you. And if we can’t find anything you like, I can order a pizza or cook for you.” He says.

“Are you planning our next date already?” I ask.

“I like spending time with you.” He says.

I smile.

It takes me 3 tries to parallel park. Finnick offered to do it but I don’t like when other people drive my car. He did get outside to help but my face was beet red when I got out of the car.

“I’m guessing you’re not from a city.” He says.

“Yeah I grew up in a suburb and anything that resembled a city was two hours away.” I say.

“I see.” He says.

“We can’t all grow up in New York city.” I say and he smirks. “Or did you just take cabs everywhere?” I ask.

“There’s this thing called a subway.” He says and holds the door open for me.

“Table for 2.” Finnick says to the hostess as we arrive.

"It will be a few minutes." She says and walks off.

I shift my feet the place isn’t terribly busy, but busy enough to make my palms sweat.

“Wow.” He says looking at the dessert case. It’s filled with different types of baklava.

“They taste good too.” I say.

He nods.

“So how did you find this place?” He asks. 

It isn’t far from campus and very close to my apartment. It was right after I moved into my apartment that I found it well my Dad found it. Whenever he visits, he likes to go to a Greek restaurant. He’s convinced that if people don’t start eating other cuisine pizza take out will be the only thing left in college towns. I doubt that will ever happen, but I will admit there are a lot of pizza places. 

I don't have as much trouble going to a new place if it's with someone I know well. My parents and my brother are good choices. Johanna can pull it off sometimes, but she knows not to go during prime business hours and if we are eating the menu needs to be online. 

I will never be able to go clubbing with Johanna no matter how much she begs. The loud music and copious amounts of people would send my body into overdrive. 

“After I moved in instead of ordering a pizza my Dad said we should go somewhere else so the whole town isn’t just full of pizza places.” I say. 

“Sounds like an interesting fellow.” Finnick says.

“Finnick. Table for 2.” The hostess calls out.

We follow the hostess to our table, a small table for two. The table is decorated with a map of Greece and showcases the tourist destinations.

“Do you want to travel there?” He asks me.

“I’d like to travel all over Europe, but I hate flying.” I say.

In high school I had a chance to go to Spain for a few weeks in the summer. You could only go on the class trip if you were taking Spanish and had a B or above. I wanted to go, truly I did, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. Crowds of people wouldn’t be a big deal because I was going with my class. I knew the people. I just hate flying.

I’ve been on a plane three times and every time I got sick during takeoff and landing. I’m the person who makes the cabin smell like puke. And I know I’m not imagining the staring and scowls everyone throws my way. 

My brother tried to convince me. He was going to France with his French class. He said it would be fun and that the boring Cresta kids could finally say they did something exciting over the summer. Let’s just say I spent my time watching Mcdreamy preform many brain surgeries instead of traveling the world. 

“Maybe one day you will change your mind.” He says with a smile.

“Doubtful.” I say.

“We’ll see.” He says with a smile.

_Is he implying he wants to take me to Europe? Is he looking that far into the future? This is only our second date!_

The waitress comes over and we order. Finnick gets a Greek sampler that can easily feed two. He says he wants to try as much as he can. I order a gyro with extra tzatziki sauce.

“So how was the football game?” I ask.

“The team was terrible which I’m sure every fan already guessed. But it was still fun.” He says.

“I was wondering if you could tutor me a little in the rules of football.” I say.

“Really?” He says excited.

I nod.

“That way I will understand it when you want to talk about the team. Or watch a game” I say.

“Of course, I can tutor you.” He says with a smile. “So, Annie tell me something.”

“Tell you what?” I ask.

“Something I don’t know.” He says.

Well let’s see. I’ve covered my family, my hometown, my favorite tv show & film, my major…

“I don’t know how to ride a bike.” I say.

“What?” He says.

“It’s the first thing I could think of.” I mumble. I know it’s not a very good conversation starter but it’s what came to mind.

“No, I meant that you didn’t know how to ride a bike. I thought everyone knew how to ride a bike.” He says.

“Well I don’t.” I say. My brother doesn’t either. We didn’t ask for bikes when we were little, and I don’t have an interest now.

“Well, looks like I will have to teach you something besides football…I’ll need to find a bike first.” He says.

I roll my eyes.

“Now you go.” I say.

“Well, I don’t like chocolate.”

“Shut up.” I say. “The guy who needs ten sugar packets in his coffee doesn’t like chocolate.” I say.

“I know it must be a crime, but I don’t like it. When my Mother bought Neapolitan ice cream it would be uneven because I avoided the chocolate strip.” He says and I laugh. “I don’t like ice cream that much either.” He says.

The food comes out and the rest of dinner is pleasant. Despite my worrying that he will think my eating is sloppy I don’t run off to the bathroom or snap the rubber band. I just eat with Finnick.

* * *

"Wow." Finnick says when we leave the restaurant.

He's looking up at the sky. I follow his gaze. I don't see anything spectacular. It is a clear night so you can see many stars in the sky.

"What?" I ask.

"Look at the stars." He says like a little kid. "The city lights at home were always too bright to see them." He says. 

I smile.

"When I was a kid, we went to see the Grand Canyon for vacation. We camped outside and you could see every star in the sky. One night it was cloudless like tonight and we could see the milky way. It was beautiful much better than the Grand Canyon I thought." 

"Grand Canyon what's that like?" He asks. 

"It was cool but a little overrated for me. I think it would've been better if I didn't throw up during the helicopter tour." I say.

The small helicopter smelled like vomit for the rest of the tour which was 45 minutes. 

The hikes were nice and the night sky beautiful, but I wouldn't call the trip awe inspiring. At least I can tell people I've been to the Grand Canyon.

"Gone to any other stereotypical monuments?" He asks.

“The Sears tower in Chicago, the Statue of Liberty, Niagara Falls, Hoover Dam, that place where you can be in 4 states at once, and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame." I say.

"Have you ever left the country?" He asks.

"I went to Canada for Niagara Falls. I was pretty young though. Have you?" I ask.

"Yes, my sister has a job in Paris right now. I've been to London, Rome, Madrid, Buenos Aires, and Tokyo for a couple hours for a layover."

"What does your sister do in Pairs?" I ask. Finnick doesn’t talk about his family much. He only told me that he has a 19 year old sister named Felicity.

"She's a model." Finnick says. He sounds worried.

_Is he worried I will think less of her?_

"Well if she's as good looking as you I can see why." I say.

He smiles.

"You know Finnick if you ever want to look at the stars there's a good spot at the park by then bike trail." I say.

“What are you doing near a bike trail if you can’t ride one?” He teases.

I roll my eyes.

“The hiking trail is close by.” I say. “And you can’t tell Johanna I don’t know how to ride a bike. I would never hear the end of it.”

“My lips are sealed then.” He says and acts like he is locking his lips and throwing away a key. "Maybe you could take me to the spot next time there is a clear sky." He says.

"Maybe." I say. 

I would be fine taking Finnick to the park or any park. Parks are giant outside spaces, so I usually feel comfortable. Usually.

“C’mon I should take you home.” I say.

“Whatever you say.” He says. He holds my hand on the way back to my car making me feel like a schoolgirl with a crush.

_Should I kiss him?_ I think to myself. Not right here in the middle of sidewalk so anyone could see but when we get back to his apartment.

Kissing at the end of a date is a standard thing, but should I? Does he even want to kiss me? It sounds like Finnick has already planned more dates, so he clearly likes me. Peeta said he liked me as well, but a kiss?

_Why must dating be so complex?_

* * *

“So, how did the date go?” Katniss asks me and I immediately blush. I wonder if Finnick told Peeta what happened. I wonder if he told Johanna.

"It was nice… until the end.” I say. I’m glad it’s Katniss and not Johanna asking me this.

“What happened?” She asks.

“I leaned in to kiss him- “

“And he didn’t want to kiss you?” She asks.

“He did.” I say.

We both leaned in at the same time making our foreheads bump together. But that wasn't the worst part. When I kissed him there was a loud sequel from a car that startled me causing me to bite Finnick’s lower lip. I heard him mumble ouch.

You would think I never kissed anyone before. After that happened, he rushed into his apartment and said goodnight. No see you later or I’ll text you, just goodnight. I could be overreacting but if the first kiss is bad isn’t that a sign that there is no chemistry? I guess Finnick could just be a friend. I would have to get over the embarrassment which would probably take months.

"Well you both leaning in at the same time isn’t your fault neither is the car squealing.”

"It wasn’t a good kiss Katniss. Not for me or Finnick."

"I don’t think you should let one silly kiss mess everything up. You should text him to talk." She says.

"I did text him." 

I didn't sleep last night so I texted him at 9:00 a.m. He could be sleeping still. He probably is still sleeping but ugh. Everything was going so well how do I always manage to screw it up?


	3. Chapter 3

I always find it amusing to people watch. The big glass windows of the cafe make it easy. It started raining 20 minutes ago, the kind of rain where it’s hard to see two steps in front of you. It isn’t a surprise to see many people flood the cafe to stay warm.

“Annie.” I hear and want to groan. 

“Mind if I join you?” Madge asks.

_Yes, I do mind._

She has perfect blonde hair even in this storm. Madge lives in my apartment complex. Katniss, Johanna, and I all hung out together until she ended up sleeping with Katniss’s ex-boyfriend. I still don't get how Gale could do that to Katniss. They've known each other since they were kids. 

Now Madge and Gale are a couple. 

You know what they say once a cheater always a cheater. I hope karma catches up to Gale and she ditches him.

“Actually, I’m waiting for someone.” I say. I'm glad I am. I asked to meet Finnick here. I thought if I was somewhere public it would be less awkward. 

“Well there aren’t a lot of seats.” She says. She sounds annoyed. 

“Like I said I’m waiting for someone.” I say. 

“Maybe they gave up because of the rain.” She says inching closer to the chair. 

“I don’t think he would do that.” I say. I don’t think the kiss was so horrible that Finnick would never want to see my face again. 

“Please Annie. I know what happened the other year was… but I didn’t think I would lose my friends over a silly mistake.” She says. 

“I wouldn’t call breaking up a relationship a silly mistake.” I say. 

“They were both unhappy.” She says. 

_I’m sure that’s what Gale told you._

Madge is about to grab the chair when Finnick reaches the table. 

  
“You’re soaked.” I say with a smile. 

He’s dripping wet from his socks to his shirt. His bronze hair is a few shades darker from the water and it’s matted to his head. Despite this he still is good looking. 

He grabs a napkin and wipes the water droplets from his face. 

“Well I had to brave the storm for you.” He says with a smile and sits down trying not to get water on the table.

“Who’s this?” Finnick asks. 

“I’m Madge, one of Annie’s friends.” She says. “Mind if I join you two?” She asks. 

Finnick is looking at her like he is studying her. I've seen him do this before. It's like he's trying to figure them out

“Actually, Annie and I need to talk.” He says. 

“Oh well maybe next time.” She says with a flirtatious smile. 

Like I said once a cheater always a cheater. 

“Is she really your friend?” Finnick asks when she is out of ear shot.

“She was… something happened with my roommate and we cut contact.” I say. 

He nods. 

“Was it obvious that I didn’t want her to join us?” I ask. 

He shrugs. 

“I noticed.” He says. 

I smile. I'm glad he noticed.

“I would order something but...” He points to the cashier. The line is long and there is only one barista. The place is crowded, and it would take forever to get a drink. 

I nod. The rain is still bringing multiple people in.

_What if too many people come in and overrun the place?_

“It’s just a little rain Annie.” He says and puts his hand on top of mine. A loud crash of thunder seems to disagree with his statement.

“So, you said you wanted to talk about last night?” He says.

“I’m sorry I kissed you. Or I’m sorry the kiss was so bad.” I mumble and look at the table rather than his face. 

"Well I'm not going to lie; it wasn't the best kiss I've ever had."

I sigh and look up.

"But the rest of the night was fun. I like spending time with you Annie." He says.

"So just friends?" I ask.

"No, I was thinking maybe a do over." He says. 

"A do over?" I smirk. "Like another date and everything?" I ask.

Instead of giving me an answer he gives me a kiss instead. A kiss in a very public place with many eyes but I don't seem to care. 

His lips are chapped but warm. They feel nice against mine. The kiss is so consuming that I almost forget where we are. Almost. I'm surprised how much better it is than last night. I want to pull him closer; I want to run my fingers through his wet hair. I don't want my lips to leave his, but he breaks the kiss. 

"Can't show too much affection in public." He says and kisses my cheek. I play with my rubber band so I don't look around the room to see if anyone is staring at us.

I always roll my eyes when I see PDA but I can see the slight appeal now. It's not like he shoved his tongue down my throat. But the kiss made me feel like I was on some plane where it was just Finnick and myself.

"So now that we have proof, we have chemistry I intend to take you out again."

"But-" I start.

"And don't worry about giving me a goodbye kiss. We should just let it happen naturally."

"Like the kiss you just gave me?" I ask.

"Oh yes and I intend to kiss you like that again someday." He says and runs his thumb over my knuckles.

“Someday?” I say. Not in ten minutes. Not today. Not tomorrow. That’s not a specific date.

“Oh yes. We clearly can’t plan these things because it turns out terribly.” He teases. 

“It was one bad kiss.” I say. “If anyone asks this will be the first kiss story.” I say. 

“Well, I told Peeta already.” He says. 

“I told Katniss.” I say. 

"Well everyone else then.” He says and kisses my cheek. 

I smile. 

“Good.” I say. “I should take you out again.”

“Oh, I got something planned already.” He says. 

“What?” I ask. 

“I want it to be a surprise.” He says. 

“I don’t like surprises.” I say. 

“I think you can make an exception just this once.” He says. 

“But-” I start but his phone goes off. “Everything okay?” I ask. 

“No, I just have to go to work.” He says.

I look out the window and it is still raining hard. 

"Even though it is still storming I have to go." He says.

"Well, I hope they won’t mind if you’re wet for your mysterious job" I tease

He smiles.

"I should probably tell you what my mysterious job is because I'll be working with your drawing class." He says.

Ugh portrait drawing is not something I enjoy but am required to take. I think I hate it so much because our professor is obsessed with nude art. The famous sculpture like _David_ I get but random pictures I don't. 

It also doesn't help that she likes using live art. She's going to be using nude models for our next project. We're allowed to pick something from the book if sitting in class with naked models bothers you. It should be obvious what I decided to do. No way could I sit in a class with some naked person posing for me. 

_Hang on_...

"You're the model." I shriek. 

"My sister isn't the only Odair who can model."

I can feel my face go bright red. I'm glad I chose not to use live art. I wouldn't want to stare at Finnick naked for an hour. 

"How can you do that?" I ask.

"The university pays well and your teacher doesn't want 'creative' poses just stare ahead and no facial expressions."

"No, I meant stand in a room full of strangers with no clothes." I say. 

He shrugs. 

"It's easy money." He says.

Well I guess that is probably true.

"Does this job bother you?" He asks with a smirk.

"I couldn't do it." I say.

"I meant all those people looking at the guy you're interested in." He says. He says it like a joke but I can hear a sense of seriousness.

"It doesn't bother me; I just can't get how anyone could do that." I say.

"Confidence is key." He says and slings his backpack over his shoulder. "By the way I offer private sessions." He teases but my face just goes red. "Bye Annie." He says and kisses my cheek.

"Bye Finnick." I say and put my hand where his lips were. 

I'm glad that we kissed but I can't stop picturing Finnick naked. And not in a good way. 

I don't like naked people. It is just uncomfortable. The few times I've had sex I made sure the lights were always off. 

Finnick still doesn't know that I have an anxiety problem so adding on I don't really like having sex shouldn't be hard. Well that's not entirely true I do like sex sometimes. I just worry about all the what ifs. What if I get pregnant? What if I get an STD? What if the condom breaks? Was I good enough? Was it bad? Did he like it? Did I wear the right underwear?

I was drunk when I lost my virginity. When I get drunk, I get horny and happy. The one other guy was a few times but I had to be on top. Be in control. I always need to be in control. 

* * *

"How can I help you dear?" The receptionist asks. 

"I have an appointment with Dr. Aurelius." I say and shift my feet.

"What's your name?" She asks.

"Annie Cresta." I say.

She starts typing in the computer and I look around. There aren’t many people here today, maybe it is because it is Monday. 

"Very nice you're all checked in." She rummages around and holds out a clipboard. "Fill this out until we call you back." She says with a smile.

I nod and find a seat in the lobby. This place isn't very big. There are only 3 doctors and I have seen all of them. I needed to find the right 'fit' for my therapist. Dr. Aurelius seems to fit the bill for now. I don't drive an hour here for fun.

I look down at the form and click my pen. My pen. The receptionist gave me one that I’m sure lots of people have touched. I know my pen has only been touched by me. It won’t get me sick. 

_Any changes in medications?_ No

_Has your emergency contact changed?_ No

_Have you been having any of the following:_

  * _Trouble sleeping:_ Yes
  * _Feeling of dread or anxiety:_ Yes, and yes.
  * _Feelings of self-harm or suicide.:_ Not suicide.
  * _Loss of appetite:_ No
  * _Anger:_ Not an unnatural amount.
  * _Weight loss:_ No
  * _Headaches:_ No
  * _Dizziness:_ No



"Annie Cresta!" The nurse shouts and I stand up. She leads me down the hall. When I'm in the room she weighs and measures me then takes my blood pressure.

“Everything looks good Annie.” She says and adds the information to my chart. "Do you need any refills?" She asks.

"Yes." I say.

"I'll mark that in your chart. Dr. Aurelius will be right with you." She says.

"Okay." I say. 

She takes the clipboard with a smile then leaves.

The room isn't too small but I wouldn't mind it being a bit bigger. There's a small counter with a sink and disinfectant. The room also has 2 beige chairs that aren't very comfortable. I like when we talk in his office better. We might be doing something new.

I've had more than one therapist over the years. Dr. Aurelius and I mostly talk. We go over monthly goals and discuss my improvements and new developments in my life.

My goal for this month was to try something or go somewhere new. I've had this goal before but usually don't follow through. 

The goal for last month was to use a public bathroom. I did and didn't get sick so that should be good enough. I think I will always find them disgusting though. I try to keep doing it so I don't push myself back. 

I obviously didn't accomplish this month's goal. I had more than one chance to go somewhere new. I could've gone to Asian Garden with Finnick. 

I swallow hard. 

I can report that I went on a blind date and kissed him. That's something new, I guess. I think the main subject for this session will be Finnick. I've talked about dating with my therapist before. One time I ended up crying saying I will die alone. Another time a few days later I had a date. 

I don't always like talking about the personal details of a relationship but how else am I supposed to talk about my issues? Dr. Aurelius always calls this a judge free zone.

I take a deep breath and run my hands over the fabric. I wonder how dirty these chairs are.

I go for the rubber band but stop.

_Don't snap; he always makes notes when you snap. Don't lie either, that isn't helping you. You’re the one in control of the session. You’re the boss._

I am the boss. I could stop seeing him if I wanted to and try to find someone else. I have been 'fired' before. When the doctor refers me to someone else because they feel they can't help me is always a kick in the gut. 

There are three taps on the door before he opens it.

"Hello Annie." He says with a kind smile.

"Hello." I say. 

He starts the timer. I think this is why I try to time my tutoring sessions because my therapist does the same thing.

"How are you feeling today?" He asks.

"I'm fine." I say. This is the answer I give to most people when asked. It’s somewhere between good and bad. The answer fits because it could always teeter in one direction. 

"I haven't seen you since school started. How is your semester going?" He asks. Dr. Aurelius and I have standard monthly appointments. 

"Good I'm doing well in all my classes." I say. Not a real lie I have a C in one class but everything else is A’s and B’s.

He nods. 

"Did you do your homework for me?" He asks with a smile.

"Um not really." I mumble and pick at a loose string on the chair. 

He picks up his pen to write something.

"But." I say loudly, making him stop. "I went on a date… a blind date my roommate set me up on." I say.

My palms are sweaty. 

_Why do I feel so nervous?_

"And how was that?" He asks and puts down the pen.

"I was nervous." I say.

"Many people are on first dates."

"I thought he wouldn't like me." I say.

"An unnatural amount?" He asks.

"I had to snap a few times." I mumble. "But I saw him again."

"That's very good Annie."

I tell him about the kiss on Saturday and yesterday. I'm sure I sound like a teenage girl whining about their boyfriend but it is his job to listen.

"And what would he think if he found out you were here?" He asks.

"At my therapist? I don't know." I say.

_Maybe that I am a freak? Lots of people go to therapy though. If Finnick really likes me he shouldn't care. Right?_

“Do you have a reason to hide it from him?” 

"Of course I do, they all run for the hills when they see how weird I am." I say.

"But if you want to have a relationship with this man won't he find out?" He says.

Of course, he will and probably soon. He wants the next date to be a surprise and I can’t do surprises. It will be hard to keep avoiding the places he wants to take me on dates. It will be obvious something is wrong with me if I get freaked out by something normal like a bathroom or crowds.

"I'm not letting anxiety control my life." I say. I think we both know I am lying. What I should have said was I'm _trying_ not to let anxiety control my life. No matter how many medications I take it never completely goes away. 

"I'm glad to hear that Annie but you might slide backwards and have a bad day."

I hold back a groan I hate when he says slide backwards. It means I will go back to old habits when my anxiety was worse. Biting my nails until bloody, not going outside, barely leaving my room, rarely sleeping, and cleaning my bathroom over and over again to make sure I won't get some sickness. 

"I know but I want him to like me." I say. Again, I sound like a whiny teenager.

“How can he like you if he doesn’t know everything about you?” He asks. “I think you should tell Finnick about yourself before next session."

I sigh. 

"I'll try.” I say when the times up alarm goes off. 

“I will see you next month Annie.” He says. 

I smile. 

“Next month.” I say. 

I schedule my next appointment and leave. When I get to my car, I put my head on the steering wheel. I don’t want to go anywhere. I feel awful. I haven’t felt awful after an appointment in a long time. I probably only feel awful because I don’t want to tell Finnick. 

After about ten minutes I start the car and go to the pharmacy then home. Home where my parents and brother are waiting for me. 

* * *

"Little sister." My brother says and hugs me as soon as I walk inside. 

The house smells like cinnamon. It always smells like cinnamon from the candles my Mother loves. She’s never lit them but puts them out for the smell. 

"Hi Carter." I say. My brother is a few years older than myself and has the Cresta look; fair skin, dark hair, and green eyes. He’s much taller than myself though. He’s probably close to Finnick’s height. “Where’s Mom? Her car wasn’t in the garage.” I say.

"Mom isn't home from work yet so that gives us plenty of time to do her chores." He says with a smile. 

"Chores?" I ask. She didn’t mention any chores. I knew there was another reason for me to come after therapy. I almost always do but when she asks me over it usually means she wants me to do something. 

"Yeah she wants us to go through our stuff and put aside the things we don't want. The leftover stuff she wants to donate to charity.” 

"That's why I'm here?" I say.

"What did she tell you?" He smirks.

"That you wanted me to meet your boyfriend."

"Oh well he is coming over for dinner." He says with a smile. 

I roll my eyes.

"I went through most of my stuff already so I can help you."

I nod and we head into my room. The walls are still a light blue. I picked the color when I was a little girl. This has been my room for the majority of my life. 

I sigh and open my closet door. I go through some stuff. Most of the clothes I wanted I brought to school with me. 

"My God, how many dairies did you have?" Carter asks, pulling out a box filled with my journals. 

"They're journals not diaries." I mumble.

"Oh… are you going to keep them?"

"I don’t know." I say and put them in their own pile. 

One therapist said I should journal. To write down encouraging thoughts to myself or write down times I felt anxious. She said we could problem solve my anxious thoughts by getting to the route of the problem. She also said I should write down reasons that disprove my worries. Example I won’t get trampled in a restaurant because of fire codes.

“This one is a diary.” I say and hold out a journal that has a sleeping cat and dog on the cover. 

“When’s it from?” My brother asks. 

“I think middle school.” I say. 

I think it’s from middle school from the teachers' names. I find the things I complained about funny now. I have written Mrs. Annie Starr multiple times. Alfred Starr was my first crush. 

I stop reading when I start talking about _the_ dance. The event all my therapists want to talk about because they think it is the route of my problem. It’s not like I was Carrie at the prom. I was in middle school but it was my first and only school dance. 

I clear my throat and throw it in the trash pile. When I look up, I can see concern in my brother’s eyes. 

“Don’t worry I was just reading about my crush.” I say. 

“Ah yes Al Starr. You crushed all over him but never actually talked to him.” He says. 

“That’s what schoolgirl crushes are and he was cute.” I say and my brother rolls his eyes. 

“So, how’s school?” He asks. 

“Fine, I'm doing decent in my classes.” I say. 

“That’s good and how’s Johanna?” He asks. 

I roll my eyes. He always wants to know about her dirty antics. 

“She’s Johanna. I think she wants to plan some big event for my birthday.” I say. 

My birthday is next week. I’m not the kind of person who likes celebrating birthdays. It's just another day to me. I stopped feeling giddy about birthdays around 15. I don't want a special dinner. I don't want a cake. I don't want a party. I don't want presents or money. I don't want the attention. I didn't really accomplish anything on my birthday. My Mother did the real work.

"Well if she knows you as much as I think she does she will probably just get you some gag gift and call it a day." He says.

"I hope so." I say. 

If it was any other year, I would think so too but it's the big 21. I can now drink legally and rent a car. But stereotypically there is the big party where you and your friends go out drinking. Johanna went all out; clubbing, bar hopping, gambling. She even rented a car for the designated driver. It was ridiculous. I didn't go to the club but went to the bar. Granted I stayed very close to the exit and held onto Katniss's arm for most of the night, but I still went. I did it for Johanna because I knew it was important to her. 

_It was important to her. Finnick’s surprise date is probably important to him too. You can do it._

"Dare I ask how is your romantic life going?" He asks with a smirk.

"I went on a few dates with a guy… I really like him." I say.

"But?" He asks.

I sigh. 

" _But_ I'm me." I say. 

"Ah yes the weird freak." He says.

"Carter." I say and shove him.

"You're normal little sister and if you really like this guy don't keep secrets. Secrets and lies are what kill relationships." He says.

I sigh.

"That's what Johanna said and my therapist."

"Maybe we're all right then." He says with a smile.

"But I'm a coward. Johanna set me up with him. He kissed me-"

"How many dates have you been on with this guy?" 

"2 with plans for a 3rd." I say.

"Hmm. Where are you going?" He asks.

"I don't know… he said he wanted it to be a surprise." I say. 

“And how’s that going?” He asks. 

“I’ve been sleeping and eating.” I say. 

“That’s not what I meant Annie.” He says.

“I know, I’m going to go because I’m sure it’s important to him. He took the time to plan something he knows I will like.”

“What if you can’t go.” He says. 

“I can… I will.” I say. I hope that will be the outcome. I wish it could always be that easy. 

He nods. 

"That will be the boyfriend." He says when the doorbell rings.

I'm able to give away clothes that no longer fit me and some knick knacks I’m surprised I didn’t get rid of before. 

_Ding_

I take my phone out of my back pocket. 

**Finnick:** _How's the family?_

**Me:** _Good. My brother was happy to see me._

My parents live an hour away but I come home once a month for my therapy. I usually stay for dinner. I told Finnick the same thing my Mom told me. I was going home to meet my brother's boyfriend. So, I’m not lying.

* * *

Dinner goes off normally. My Mother made chicken enchiladas with rice and beans. Carter’s boyfriend is nice and charming. He isn’t like the other guys I’ve met. No tattoos or piercing just a cookie cutter look. I guess he could have cleaned up for the family. 

I try to keep the attention off of me for as long as possible but because he’s already met my parents it’s me he wants to focus on. Surprisingly I hold my own and don’t run off.

* * *

“So where are we going?” I ask Finnick. I can tell we are heading downtown. He still wouldn’t tell me what or where we are going. It made my outfit hard to choose. I didn’t know if I should do fancy or casual so I did somewhere in between. I chose to wear my hair in a messy bun and wear a frilly white shirt and dark jeans. I think I look good enough. I hope I look good enough. He said I looked nice but he usually says I look nice. 

I snap the black rubber band once. 

“It’s a secret.” He says with a smile. 

I hold back a groan. 

“Can I get a hint?” I ask. He said we wouldn’t be eating. He picked me up at 4:30 on a Thursday. We could be going to a movie I guess but he seemed to imply that this wasn’t an ordinary date. Going to a movie would be ordinary. 

“You’re going to like it.” He says and takes my hand. It feels nice and warm. The days are starting to get colder and colder as October approaches. 

“You sound 100% sure about that.” I say. If he asked Johanna what I wanted to do and she didn’t tell me I’m going to be pissed. She knew I was worried about this. I’m always worried though. 

I want to snap my rubber band but don’t want to let go of Finnick’s hand either.

“I like to think I know you well enough.” He says. 

“We’ve only been on a few dates.” I say. 

“And yet you’ve told me enough.” He says with a smile. 

“Okay.” I say nervously. “Are you sure you can’t tell me?” I ask. We’re heading in the direction of the arts district.

“I could… I won’t.” He says with a smile. 

_You don't need to know Annie you're fine. You don't need to know. You don't need to know._

I clear my throat trying to hold back the choking feeling.

“Can we stop… I’m not wearing the right shoes to walk long distances.” I lie. We haven’t even walked that far and I’m wearing tennis shoes. 

He looks down and smirks. 

“You really don’t like surprises.” He says. 

“I just…” I say and trail off. “I have some issues.”

"No more surprises I get it." He says. I can tell he doesn't really get it. He sounds confused.

"That's not it but no more surprises." I say. 

"Then what is it?" He asks.

_Gotta tell him now. If I act like he won’t run for the hills it will be easier._

"I have this problem… I'm not supposed to call it that though." I say. That's what my therapist says. 

"You're losing me." Finnick says and rubs the back of his neck.

"I have an anxiety problem." I say.

He forms a half smile. 

_Why is he smiling?_

"I'm sure I can help loosen you up then." He says.

"It's not like that. You can't loosen me up… I have an anxiety problem one diagnosed by a doctor." I say. I'm always bad at telling people this. "I shouldn't have gone on a date with you but Johanna kept calling me a hermit." I say and start snapping. "I wanted to go to that football game with you but all those people..."

"Do you do that when you're uncomfortable?" He asks and looks at my hands.

"Sometimes." I mumble avoiding his gaze. 

He takes my hand away.

"No more surprises." He says. 

I look at him and he smiles. I'm just glad I don't see pity or anger. 

"Tell me what you're thinking." If he doesn't tell me I won't be able to sleep tonight. I would probably start biting my nails into bloody stubs which would be a huge set back. It took me forever to stop biting my nails when I felt anxious. Now I have the rubber band and hopefully one day I won't need that either. 

"I don't care if you're thinking I'm crazy just tell me so I can fall asleep tonight." 

"You're afraid of trying new things?" He asks.

"Yes… sometimes."

"But you aren't from here Annie and you go to restaurants and other places. You lived on campus. You seem normal."

_Normal._ I think to myself. A word that always stings because it reminds me I'm not wired like everyone else. I'm abnormal. I'm pretty sure the average Joe can go into a public restroom and not fear that they will catch some disease and die. 

"Sorry." Finnick says. Maybe I made a face when he said you seem normal. 

"As for the things you mentioned I feel better going somewhere with people I trust and am close with. I can usually last a few hours. And after a few times I can usually go by myself." I say. 

"So, if you trusted me, I could take you anywhere I want?" He asks with a smile.

"Don't feel so sure of yourself it took Johanna a whole year to achieve that. But you'll never be able to convince me to go somewhere with big crowds." I didn't go to any school dances in high school. I didn't attend my graduation either. There were over 400 people in my class and then you have the teachers and parents. There were too many people. 

I know I'm not supposed to let my anxiety control my life but I don't think I will ever be able to achieve going into a huge crowd. 

"Don't you have a class in a lecture hall with a hundred people?" He asks.

"That's different." I mumble.

"Why?" He asks.

I sigh.

"I'm sorry if I am coming across as an ass. I just want to understand." 

"Well you're doing fine. And I don't know why it's different… it just is. I can't explain everything because I don't know everything myself. I like being in control." I say. 

"Do you like going out in public?" He asks.

"When I know what to expect." I say.

He nods. 

"I asked you to Mellark's on a whim the other day." He says. 

"I've been there before. I go there every Saturday." I say. 

"So, if I asked you to that cafe again you would be fine with it?" He asks. 

"Yes." I say.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks. 

“Because people don’t like dealing with me.” I say and feel my cheeks turning red. 

"Johanna is a hard person to please." He says.

"I meant romantically." I mumble. 

“I’m not leaving. I like you… a lot.” He says. “I should’ve just told you where we were going.” He says. 

“Where were you taking me?” I ask.

“There’s this place downtown… a pottery place-”

“Pots and Pans.” I say. I go there for supplies sometimes. Most people think it is a kitchen supply store.

“Yeah and well you can pick out a pottery piece and-”

“And paint them.” I say. 

_Wow I would’ve liked that._

“Not too original for you I guess.” He says. He sounds disappointed. “I’m guessing you’ve done it before.” He says.

“I’ve been to the store before for supplies, but never did the painting.” I say.

He nods. 

“We can still go if you want.” I say. I’ve been to that place before and I can tell Finnick put thought into this.

“Are you sure?” He asks. 

“Yes, I’m sure.” I say.

“Okay.” He says and takes my hand leading back downtown.

I’m happy with his reaction but I’m still going to be waiting for the other shoe to drop.


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

I twirl the loose strand of hair around and around as I try to write my art history paper. It should be easy. I did a similar paper like this in high school but my mind keeps going to other things. Like my birthday and Finnick.

I take a sip of my vanilla latte and hum to the music on my study playlist.

_'Dancing in the moonlight_

_Everybody's feeling warm and bright_

_It's such a fine and natural sight_

_Everybody's dancing in the moonlight'_

I jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder interrupting my studies and song. The song that always makes me happy. 

I take out my headphones when I see it is Finnick. I feel my face go red. I'm not dressed in the right fashion to see him. My hair is in a messy bun. I've got on sweatpants, no makeup, and worst of all my black framed glasses.

It's funny I didn't care what all these other people thought but I do care what Finnick thinks. I don't know if that is a bad or good thing. I don't want to be the type of girl who only does things to appease the guy she's dating. 

"Thought that was you." He says with a smile.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"What are you talking about?” He smiles that dimpled smile. “This is our spot." He says and kisses my cheek. 

"I guess." I say. We do seem to meet here a lot.

Finnick eyes are looking me up and down.

_Is he judging what I look like? Finnick isn't that type of guy. You look fine. You're fine._

I sigh.

"Sorry." I blurt out. I shouldn't look so messy in front of him. I know if we get in a serious relationship, he will see me in sweatpants and maybe pajamas but since it is the early stages I think I should still be dressing up for him. Or at least always wearing makeup in front of him.

"For what?" He asks confused.

I point at myself. I look so sloppy. I didn't sleep well last night. I'm trying to figure out why. Nothing stressful is going on in my life. Well except my birthday. But I should be able to sleep. When my alarm went off at 5:00 am I should've hit the snooze and slept until 6:00 am. I was very tempted. I've done it a few times but I didn't want to this morning. I wanted to run. I wanted to let the cold air hit my face. It's starting to get darker and darker in the morning. I guess October can do that.

"What am I looking at, you in sweatpants?" He says.

"And I'm wearing my glasses." I mutter and fiddle with the rubber band.

"Oh God the horror.” He says and presses his lips to mine. “You don’t always need to dress up for me Annie.” 

"Okay." I say and turn back to my computer screen.

"Do you believe me?" He asks.

I swallow hard.

"Kind of." I mumble.

"Well you don't need to dress up all the time. You have a natural beauty." He says with a smile. 

"Okay." I say. He puts his hand on top of mine and smiles. "So, a little birdy told me something." He says.

When I turn to him he is wearing that dimpled smile. He looks so happy.

"What did this birdy tell you?" I ask. It could be anyone but I think the birdy is Johanna.

"That your birthday is next week. " He says.

"I'm going to kill Johanna." I mumble.

"To be fair she did it on accident." He says. 

I sigh. 

I wonder how she did it 'on accident'. I could ask him but because he is a good friend Finnick won't tell. I like that about him.

"Well my birthday is next week." I confirm.

"So, do you have anything you want or do something special? I should take you to dinner." He says.

I roll my eyes. His places to take me out to dinner would be limited. It sounds like he wants to take me somewhere 'special' which means expensive. Another reason why I don't want people to celebrate my birthday, they like to throw money at me. 

"I don't want anything special. No dinner. No present. If you want to get me something a card is acceptable." I say.

A card costs only a few dollars and if he makes one even less. But I get the feeling Finnick is the type of person who doesn't take no for an answer.

"I thought Jo was kidding when she said you hated birthdays."

"I don't hate them; I just don't see the point in celebrating them." I say.

"Because one day there was no Annie Cresta and the next there was." He says and I roll my eyes.

"You're the kind of guy who likes celebrating birthdays and decorating the house head to toe in red and green for Christmas, aren't you?" 

He smiles. 

"I lived in the city so our building wouldn't allow real trees. I always wanted one. When I was a child I begged and begged my parents. My Dad asked why I wanted a real tree so much and I said the smell." He smiles as if remembering. "He bought those stupid pine car fresheners to hide in the fake tree. And it was good enough."

"Do you still do that?" I ask.

"Of course, it's tradition." He says over dramatically. "So, to answer your question I do like decorating for Christmas and Halloween and Thanksgiving. People always forget about Thanksgiving." He says with a smile.

"What do you do for Thanksgiving? Put out a cornucopia filled with fruit?" I ask. He could put out those hand turkeys made from construction paper. I made them in kindergarten.

"And turkeys, pilgrims, pumpkins." He says.

"Well I'll be sure to stop by when it's all decorated."

"You should see the apartment now. We are in the first stage of decorating for Halloween."

"There are stages?" I ask.

"I'm having trouble finding one of the boxes."

"Where do you put all of it?" I ask. I assumed he lived in a 2 bedroom apartment. I didn't get a tour so there could be another room or closet somewhere.

"There's a big hall closet and whatever doesn't fit on my half goes in my room."

"Your half?" I ask.

"My half of the closet. Don't you split things fairly in your apartment?" 

It's never been a problem for us. The only thing we officially split up is the bathroom shelves. There are 3 so we each got one. I don’t keep everything in the bathroom. I don't want anyone to use my razor or toothbrush by mistake. 

"Not really." I say. 

He nods.

"So, your birthday?" He says.

I groan.

"You can get me a card." I say.

"A card doesn't seem like enough."

"If you're going to give me something you don't need to spend a lot of money. It can be personal." I say. 

"Speaking of personal," He says and holds out a bag that is labeled Pots and Pans. "I got the phone call earlier today that said they were ready for pick up."

We couldn't take them home right away because they had to be glazed.

Finnick chose a small turtle and I chose a shallow bowl to put my keys in. The one I was using broke so perfect timing. 

Finnick seemed impressed by my painting skills. I painted mine a light blue with a few clouds and Finnick used different shades of greens for his turtle. It was fun but Finnick accidently spilled paint on his sweatshirt. Luckily, he said he didn't care about it. 

"How much do I owe?" I ask.

"When I take you out, I pay." He says.

"Oh...thanks." I say with a smile. I don’t really like when people buy me things, but the logic makes sense. Besides, I don’t want to argue with Finnick.

"I expect to see that every time I pick you up." He says and motions towards the bowl.

"You will." I say. 

"Even though I was terrible I had a really good time." He says.

"It didn't look very terrible when we were painting." I say. It's not like he was painting outside the lines. He was very careful and focused. "Oh, let me see." I say with a smile. He opens the wrapper and shows me. It looks good to me, not perfect but good.

"So where are you going to put it?" I ask. He chose a turtle because they are his favorite animal. 

"On my bookshelf, that way I will see it every day." He says and starts wrapping it back up. "Hey, I could get you a kiln for your birthday." He teases.

"Those are expensive like I said you can get me a card." I say.

"What about alcohol? You are turning 21." He asks.

"I don't drink or I'm not supposed to." I mumble. I'm not supposed to drink while on my medication. But I can't say I’ve never had a drink. The medication makes me drunk so easily it is almost hilarious.

He nods. 

"I'll figure something out." He says.

"Is Johanna going to throw me a party?" I ask nervously. If they were talking about my birthday she might have mentioned something.

"I don't think so. She might have implied that she will be buying you Jack Daniel's for your present."

I roll my eyes.

"Didn't peg you for a whiskey drinker." He teases.

"She's using my birthday as an excuse to buy it for herself." I say. Johanna does like her Jack and Coke. 

"I figured. She does like Jack Daniel's." He says. "So, what are you working on?" He asks and looks at my computer screen. 

"A paper for my art history class." I say.

"Do you only take art classes?" He asks.

"Mostly, but I have to take my ethics class." I say.

"Why didn't you go to an art school?" He asks.

I wanted to go to an art school. I picked my best pieces to build my portfolio and had many letters of recommendations. Turns out none of that mattered. I applied to 3 art schools and didn't get into them. I knew there weren't a lot of spots but I thought I could get in. I hoped I would at least get wait listed. Neither of them happened. My Mother made me apply to 'normal' schools just in case. I applied to two and thankfully got into both. It still did little to my ego.

People were buying my stuff online. So that helped but I wanted to go to a proper art school not Panem University. Hindsight art school is a lot more expensive than Panem University.

I clear my throat and fiddle with the rubber band. I'm not going to lie. He'll find out eventually if this turns into something serious.

"I um… I didn't get in." I whisper. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." He says.

"No, it's okay. How else can we get to know one another if we hide things?" I ask.

"Yeah." Finnick says. His voice sounds weird. Maybe he feels bad or maybe he is not telling me something.

"So, who do you have for ethics?" He asks. 

"Coin." I say.

"I heard she's a hard ass."

"Well I just hope I can pass the damn class."

"I'm sure you will." He says with a smile. "Don't most people get those BS classes out of the way freshman year." 

"Well I wanted to work on my major classes. They only offer advance painting in the spring."

I've had friends held back a semester for graduation because of this. Why they can't hire another teacher in the fall confuses me. I bet they have the money or could even get a graduate student to teach.

"What the hell is advanced painting?" He asks.

"You learn advanced techniques." I say and he rolls his eyes.

"Do you think what I do is silly?" I ask.

I think some people think I'm getting a useless degree. I want to run my own business so I have a business minor. I tried doing a double major but it was too stressful.

If I can't open my own store, I'm sure I can work in a gallery or museum. Or maybe I will get a job having nothing to do with my degree. A lot of people graduate with a degree that has nothing to do with their job. I'm sure I would make a good receptionist. A pile of student loans would be a slap in the face but a job is a job.

"No, I don't. You're doing something you love and make money already. I'm sure you will open your own store one day." He says. 

I smile. Even if he is lying, I like hearing it from someone I care about. 

"Good because Johanna already laughs at me." I mumble. 

"She's not laughing. She's just being Johanna." He says and I laugh.

"Maybe." I say.

"So, is this paper going to take all night?" He asks.

"It's not due until next week, why?" I ask.

"I was thinking you could come over and help taste Peeta's creations." He says.

"Is it overrunning your kitchen?" I ask. I've heard Katniss talk about Peeta becoming obsessed with recipes. One time it was muffins and she kept bringing home bags and bags of them. Apparently Peeta had overrun the freezer. The apple cinnamon muffins were my favorite. I always buy one when Mellark's has them.

"Yes." He says.

"What's he obsessing over?" I ask.

"Bagels." He says.

"Sounds yummy." I say. "Unfortunately, I have to tutor tonight. If he makes blueberry bagels set one aside for me though."

"Will do." He says with a smile. "Hey so does your friend Cressida know anything about photography?" He asks.

"Um a little I think. Why?" I ask. 

"Because I need to work on my campaign for my marketing class and thought a professional photographer would be better than my clumsy hands." He says.

"I could ask her. She's better at video though. So, you have to make a fake campaign for a project?" I ask.

He nods.

"It's the big project for the semester but we need to show our progress throughout. I thought one or two test shots would be good enough for now." He says. 

I nod.

"I can talk to her." I say.

"Thanks." He says and kisses my forehead. "So, what were you listening to?" He asks.

"Oh well-" I say and he reaches for my earphone. It was still playing while we were talking so it could be anything.

_She's a Kansas princess, crazy mother trucker, undercover lover_

_Thick southern drawl, sexy swingin walk,_

_Brother she's all_

_Country shoot from her cowboy boots to her down home roots_

"Country music?" He says. It sounds like he's trying not to laugh. 

If only _Dancing in the Moonlight_ was still playing.

"Yes they talk about a truck and everything." I say with a smile. "I listen to country music and happy music when I study or work on papers." I say.

"Define happy music." He says. 

I shrug. 

"Music that makes you happy." I say it like it is obvious. I pause the music before he can hear anything else. 

"That's not vague."

"C'mon there's not one song out there that makes you smile instantly." I say.

"Nothing comes to mind instantly but I'll get back to you." He says with a smile. 

"I'll hold you up to that."

* * *

"You got mail." Johanna says when I walk inside. "I'm guessing a birthday card." She says with a smug smile.

"Yeah thanks for telling Finnick by the way." I say sarcastically.

"It was an accident." She says.

"Sure." I say. I go to the side table where the mail and keys are kept. I see a green envelope addressed to me. The return address is from my Grandfather.

"So, is it a birthday card?" She asks.

"Probably. So, do I need to worry about a birthday party?" I ask.

"No. The only thing that is going to happen on your birthday is me ordering you an Annie special pizza and Katniss and I will let you watch the TV out here. There will be no guests." She says.

"That's it?" I say surprised. Eating pizza and watching Netflix on the big TV sounds like the perfect way to spend a birthday.

"I can probably put together a rager for the weekend if you have changed your mind."

"No Jo. It's perfect" I say with a smile.

"I'm still buying you Jack Daniel's." She says.

I roll my eyes.

"You mean you're buying _you_ Jack Daniel's." I say.

"Hey, you can drink out of it whenever you want." She shrugs. "Think of it as a shared birthday present."

"Yeah alright." I say.

"Will Finnick be watching Netflix with you?" Johanna asks.

"I don't know." I say.

"Do you want him to?" She asks.

"Yes, but he wanted to take me out to dinner or buy me something." I say.

"He'll be fine staying here eating pizza even if you're wearing that." She says and I blush. "He just wants to see you happy. Although when it's his birthday he likes going all out the cake, presents, a party. He likes ice cream cake." She says. 

"When is it?" I ask.

"June 10th. You might not even be with him." She says.

"I'm sure I will visit him in the summer. New York isn't that far away." I say. 

"You're thinking very far ahead with a guy you've only known a few weeks." She says.

"I really like him." I say.

Johanna smiles.

"So, what is he to you?" She asks. "Is he your boyfriend?" She asks.

"Haven't really talked about it." I mumble.

"I think you should check that out before you start planning summer getaways." She says. 

"We haven't been on many dates. It's not the right time yet." I say. 

"Not the right time?" Johanna says confused.

"Whatever I'm taking a nap before tutoring." I say.

"I'll try and keep it down." She says. 

I fall on the bed and take my glasses off.

_You get one hour to sleep. One hour._

I set my alarm and roll over. I'm hoping I can get some sleep maybe I can change into some jeans after I wake up.

* * *

Sleeping didn't help I now have one of those sleep haze feelings that won't go away. 

I pick up my phone and see a text from Finnick.

**Finnick:** _I thought of one._

I'm about to ask what but then a YouTube video comes up. It must be his happy song. I click on the video 

_Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros- Home_

I've never heard of this band or song before. I'm curious what type of music it will be. Finnick and I haven't talked about what kind of music we like. I'm a mixed bag. I don't think anyone likes only one type of music. There's always one song from one random genre that you like for some reason.

I click play. The song has that happy tune that makes you want to tap your foot. The song is about a couple who say they feel at home when they are with one another. I will admit it is a cheerful song. 

**Annie:** _very happy :)_

**Finnick:** _oh yes._ :D

I smile. I put my hair in a loose braid I figure that will look better than a messy bun. 

Johanna waves at me as I leave the apartment. I'm not even going to ask where Katniss is because I know it will make me worry.

* * *

The walk to the library is a long one. I hate night tutoring sessions because it can get so cold out. I could've driven, I guess.

"Annie." I hear Finnick shout.

_Twice in one day._

I'm about to shout his name back when I see this blonde girl hug him. She's pretty in the blonde hair blue eyes way. 

I want to pretend I didn't hear Finnick but he, but _they_ are standing right outside the library. 

Finnick and I never said if we were exclusive or not so I guess he isn't breaking a rule. But I'm still jealous. 

_Why is he hugging her?_

"Hi." I say and pull on my backpack straps. I look up and down at the beautiful girl. And I mean beautiful she could be a model.

_Maybe that is his sister. She's a model._

"Who's this?" I ask. I can hear the jealously in my voice. From the look on Finnick's face I know he heard it too.

"Cashmere." She says with a smile.

"We went to high school together." Finnick says.

"Oh… I see." I say.

_Probably an ex-girlfriend. He probably had many girlfriends in high school or at least one._

"Yeah he's the one that got away." She smiles. "Are you his tutor or something?" She asks with a tone of authority. 

_Great she thinks she's better than me. I'm assuming anyone would in my state. I should've put on my jeans._

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

"I don't have a tutor." Finnick says.

"Oh… who's this then?" She asks and this time I can hear jealously. 

"No... I'm Finnick's um." I point at him awkwardly. "Uh his...-"

"We're dating." Finnick says.

She looks me up and down. I wish I wasn't wearing my sweatpants and glasses. Oh, how the mighty have fallen she is probably thinking.

_What was I thinking? I should always look nice. Looking like crap is a strict weekend thing._

"Coffee." I blurt out. 

They both look confused. 

"I'm going to get some... and I have to tutor." I say. I walk away before Finnick and Cashmere can say goodbye. 

I go to an alcove and lean against the brick wall.

_He's not your boyfriend. He can do whatever he wants. Kiss her...date her...fuck her._

I shiver at the thought. I don't want Finnick to be fucking other girls while he is with me. Too many possibilities that could go wrong. 

I head to the library so I won't bail on tutoring.

I've dated other guys casually before and have seen them with other girls before. I never felt jealously like this though. I think I understand why they call it the green eyed monster.

I go through the backdoor in case they are still out there. 

_He's not doing anything wrong._ I think to myself over and over again. I'm in the wrong for not saying anything. But I don't know how it works. I've never had a boyfriend before just a few guys I've been on dates with and one I lost my virginity to. 

I think I need to have the talk with Finnick. Who am I kidding I need more than a defining the relationship talk with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs mentoined in the chapter are: Dancing in the Moonlight--Toploader and She's Country-- Jason Aldean.


	5. Chapter 5

"Your workspace is always so clean." Cressida says leaning against my workspace. All the art students have one to store materials and works. The room my workspace is in, is for pottery students and glassblowers. I tried glassblowing once. I wasn't very good. They don't have a major, but you need special materials for the class, so they get a workspace.

There's a room down the hall that holds the pottery wheels and kilns. You need a special keycard to get in the room. Someone lost their key last year and got chewed out and a big fine. I leave mine at home unless I am going to use it. I don't lend it out to anyone either. I have issues lending people things. I blame high school for that.

I let an acquaintance borrow my copy of _Adventures of Huckleberry Finn_ because they forgot their copy at home. I didn't know this girl very well but allowed it because I had a big problem with saying no back then. The girl said she would leave the book on the counter where our book bags were kept. I had the class later that day, so it seemed like the perfect idea. However, the book went missing. 

I got fined 10 dollars at the end of the year because that girl lost my copy of the book. So, I don't lend anything now. 

You are supposed to own your own paints and sculpting tools, but you can usually find some laying around. 

"Yeah, I guess." I say.

Cressida has a workspace too, but it is in a different room near the dark room and editing suites. You also need a special keycard to get in there. 

"So, your friend contacted me yesterday." She says with a smile.

I gave Finnick her number to ask for help with his project. I figured he could do it himself. 

"And?" I ask.

"I referred him to Castor instead." She says plainly. He's a photography major and is probably more familiar with cameras and techniques than her. They dated for a few months but both came to the conclusion that it wasn't the right fit, that being friends was better. 

"Thanks." I say.

"Finnick seemed very keen on the idea, even when I told him he might have to pay for Castor's time."

"It is fair I guess."

"Yeah, but I wouldn't have charged your boyfriend."

"Oh… he’s not… we just went out a few times." I mumble.

"He's your boyfriend." She says and picks up one of the tools twirling it in her hand.

"He was with a girl the other day." I say remembering Cashmere and Finnick outside the library. Remembering how jealous I felt in the alcove. I’ve never felt jealously like that before. I don’t know why. It’s not like Finnick is my property that can’t be shared.

"Hmm." She says surprised. 

"What?" I ask.

"Were they kissing?" She asks.

"He hugged her." I say. The way her arms were wrapped around him made it clear she was interested. But… did he seem interested?

I try and replay it in my mind. I can’t remember the look on his face. Cashmere could just be a huger and that is how she greets people.

_No. They were standing there much longer for it to be just a greeting._

I’m pretty sure Finnick wasn’t grabbing her ass, but I can’t imagine Finnick doing that in the first place. I think he is too polite to push away as well. 

She snorts and rolls her eyes.

"Oh God the horror. Hugging isn't like a kiss." She says.

_She is right, am I just making this a bigger deal than it is?_

"He did say they went to high school together." I mumble. I can’t see myself hugging someone from high school, then again I don’t like when most people touch me.

"Could be an ex-girlfriend." She says and starts picking her nails with the sculpting tool.

"Stop." I say and take it from her hand.

"Sorry." She says and holds up her hands in defeat. 

"Cashmere said he was the one that got away." I say, that implies they didn’t date, or maybe they did and broke up.

I snap my rubber band.

_You’re making this too complicated. A hug is just that a hug._

She groans.

"Cashmere Evans, the newspaper bitch?" She asks. 

"What?" I ask confused. 

"She works for the school paper. I think she is high up on the chain of command. She had the crime beat for awhile."

"How do you know her?" I ask.

"We had a writing class together. She's so bitchy. If your boyfriend dated her, he deserves a gold medal." 

"He's not my boyfriend." I say again. I don’t see why I keep denying it, if it’s so obvious to everyone that he likes me.

Cressida rolls her eyes. 

"He was gushing about you on the phone. I just expected him to ask for my help, but it was Annie this and Annie that. He also asked my opinion for your birthday gift. Which surprised me because you said you hate presents."

"I do hate presents." I say and smile. "Was he really gushing?" I ask.

"Yes… it was annoying. It was like he was a lovesick child." She says. 

I can feel my cheeks get hot. 

_Was Finnick really gushing? What does that say about Cashmere then? Does he like her? Does it matter, he can do whatever he wants._

"Don't worry about newspaper bitch. His eyes are only on you." 

"What if you're wrong? Then I'm just going to embarrass myself." I say.

"You're already dating, so I don't know what you would be embarrassed about." She says.

I guess she is right, since we are already dating there is no reason to be embarrassed. 

"Anyway, I'm thinking of extending my tattoo and wanted your help." She says.

"I'm not a very good drawer." I mumble. I drew a sketch last time that she showed to the tattoo artist. 

"Your sample piece was enough for the tattoo artist to get what I wanted last time." 

"Do you want the vine longer?" I ask. She has a vine tattoo on her head going down her shoulder.

"I want it to go down my back. I'm thinking of growing my hair out." She says. Well if she is growing her hair out the tattoo on her head will get covered. I always thought her tattoo was a big commitment because she would have to have the same hair style the rest of her life, if she wanted it to be visible.

I nod.

"You should get a tattoo." She says to me and I laugh. The idea is so ludicrous, me getting a tattoo.

"No way. It would hurt. Plus, I could get some infection from dirty needles." I say, and she rolls her eyes.

"The place I go to is clean." She says.

"I'm not getting one." I say.

"You could get a seashell or sand dollar or anchor." She says.

I roll my eyes. 

She's only suggesting those because I would go sailing with my Grandfather when he was still alive. And I loved it.

"No." I say.

Cressida sighs.

"So, you ready?" She asks.

"Yes." I say.

We are going to an art exhibit at the school, it's a senior project. This is the same thing I will be doing next year. You have the entire semester to plan a showing for your exhibit. The showing usually lasts a few days. You need to make pieces for the exhibit, but you can also use older ones. 

A big part of the grade is what the audience thinks of your exhibit. The pieces and the way the room is decorated, are just a few examples. Someone put out free food one year, but that didn't go over well with the professors. Apparently, you have to worry about contamination. The cheese sat out far too long for the professors liking. 

If the exhibit is at school, I try to go to them. I know I will feel comfortable at school. I usually leave a good review. I don't know much about this artist just that her name Delly, and she's into abstract art. She's close friends with Cressida, that's why we're going together.

"Then let's go." She says with a smile.

I make sure to lock up the door before we leave. Dilly’s exhibit is on the 12th floor, when we walk off the elevator, I can hear soft music. 

"Welcome, thank you for visiting." A blonde haired girl with a stunning black dress says. The teachers recommend that you dress up, button down shirts for the boys and dresses for the girls. Wearing nice clothes would look better than jeans and a t-shirt. I could never wear Delly’s dress though. The sparkles would attract a crowd and the backless design would make me feel too exposed, but it looks nice on her.

"A fashion student designed it, Cinna, he'll be famous, you know." She says.

"I'll bet. I've seen some of his other pieces." Cressida says and walks off with Delly.

I pick at my nails and look around the room.

There's a huge sculpture, in the corner and according to the label the materials were all found on campus. It's made mostly of metal. I can't tell what it's supposed to be, like I said she likes abstract art, there are lots of circles and something that looks like a star. The title is _Midnight_. I think the name of her exhibit is _Shooting Stars_. It's so big though, if I was designing the room, I would've put it in the middle of the room.

"Annie." I hear a soft voice say behind me.

I turn and smile at the blonde haired guy.

"Hi Peeta." I say with a smile. "What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I've known Delly since we were kids. I thought I should check it out, even though I don't really get all of it." He says.

"Just leave a good review, it’s important for the grade." I say and he nods. 

"So, I heard it's your birthday in a few days."

"Finnick has a big mouth, just like Johanna." I mumble. 

"He's trying to come up with the perfect gift, that is inexpensive. When Finnick buys birthday presents, he tends to go all out."

"Well, I don't want him to go all out." I say.

"He knows." He smiles and cocks his head to the side. He's looking at a painting that reminds me of a Jackson Pollock, but if you look close enough you can see the outline of a face, along with the paint splatters. 

"Do you see it?" I ask.

"The splatters?" He asks.

"The face." I say and point it out. The title of the painting is _Hidden Face._

"Oh, neat." He says.

"Art isn't your thing, I take it?" I ask.

"I paint sometimes but am not very good. Baking is where my true passion lies. I decorate all the cakes and cookies" He says, with a smile. 

I nod.

"So, after you graduate, you're going to work at your parent’s bakery?" I ask.That’s usually how it works with family businesses. I just hope he isn’t being pushed into a job he will hate.

"I'm hoping I can train under a few chefs first. I want to be a good pastry chef. But yes, I will end up working at the family business."

"Do you like that idea, or is it more out of family obligation?" I ask.

"It's not like my parents are forcing me, I've got two brothers and neither of them enjoy cooking. One is a lawyer and the other is still in school like me. I enjoy baking and I don’t think my parents would be disappointed if I chose something else." He says.

I nod.

"Well, you already make very good pastries." I say.

"Thank you." He says with a smile. 

"Peeta?" I ask.

"Yeah?" He says looking at another art piece.

"Do you know a girl named Cashmere?" I ask.

The face he makes says it all. He doesn't like her. Cressida did say Cashmere was a piece of work.

"She's very annoying, but don't worry, Finnick hasn't seen her in months." He says.

"They were outside the library together." I mumble.

"Well, she does want him back. I could never understand what he saw in her." He says.

"He dated her." I say.

"No...no they didn't really date, she was a _friend._ " He says. The way he says it makes it obvious Finnick and Cashmere were more than friends. They were probably sex friends, friends with benefits as the kids call it.

_She made it sound like they never dated! It's not like I thought he was an innocent virgin but I don't want to know all the girls he's had sex with._

"Maybe he just liked one thing about her." I mumble.

"Annie, Finnick really likes you. He can't change that he was with Cashmere or anyone else. But right now, all he wants is you. Cashmere is always trying to crawl her way back into his life no matter how much he tries to ignore her. I think it's because they've known each other since they were kids."

"Interesting." I say. 

"She's a trashy human and so needy." He shivers. "Don't tell Finnick I said anything."

I nod.

"I'm sure he doesn't want to hear how you feel about her."

"Oh no, he knows I hate Cashmere and she knows it as well."

"Oh." I say surprised.

"I meant, don't tell Finnick we were talking about her. He probably doesn't want you to know about all his past relationships."

"Well it's not like I thought he was a Virgin Mary." I say.

Peeta snorts.

"Virgin Mary." He smiles. "That's a good one."

I nod. 

"Finnick isn't a sleaze, he just doesn't really look for serious relationships. His family always scares them away. Well more like his Mother, she would love for Finnick to date a snobby rich girl like Cashmere. His Mom cares about the family image."

"Why?" I ask.

Peeta looks confused by this question. _Do all parents care about the image of their family? Are my parents weird like me?_

He shrugs.

"Who can say." He says. 

_Is he lying? Why would he? Is Finnick lying to me? About what? His Mom? He doesn't really talk about his family._

I nod. I look around the room and see it is starting to fill up. I should go before it gets too crowded. I should go before I freak out. 

"It was nice seeing you." I say.

"You too Annie. Happy early birthday." He says.

"Thanks." I say.

I find Cressida before I leave. I want to say goodbye. I need to say goodbye so she doesn’t worry where I am. I don’t want her to think I was in a car wreck or lying dead in a ditch somewhere. I doubt she would think those things. Only I would because I’m me. 

* * *

I breathe deeply. I didn't plan on walking to Finnick's apartment but I did anyway. I just wanted to talk. All that stuff about Cashmere kept rolling around in my mind. And when things start rolling around in my head it gets bad. I need to know. I need to know everything because I’m certain I won't sleep tonight until I know 

I start snapping the rubber band as I walk to his apartment. 

I take a deep breath.

_Calm down. Calm down. Calm down._ I think and knock on apartment 451. 

_What if he isn’t home?_ I look down at my watch and see it is 9:00 pm. _Is that late to him? Maybe I shouldn’t have come, what the hell am I even going to say? It’s been radio silent for the past few days. Maybe I’m not just taking the hint. Maybe he just wants to sleep with Cashmere and other pretty girls. Maybe-_

"Annie." Finnick says. He looks surprised and tired; his hair is messier than normal. I assumed he wouldn't be asleep. I hope he wasn’t asleep. 

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

"Were you asleep?" I ask.

"No." He says and rubs the back of his head. 

I nod. 

“Good.” I say with a smile. "Um, can I come in?" I ask awkwardly. 

_I should’ve just texted him. Why did I come here? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

"Uh can you wait right here for a minute?" He asks.

"Okay." I say confused. He closes the door. “Um.” 

A few moments later the door opens again. 

"Alright, you can come in now." He says.

When I walk into the apartment, I feel the urge to clean. I'm guessing he was trying to tidy the apartment before I came in. There are piles of papers on the coffee table and stuff shoved in a corner. There's still a lot of stuff on the floor and he wouldn't be able to clean up the kitchen in a few minutes.

I'm going to blame Peeta for the messy kitchen. There's no way my boyfriend, I mean the guy I'm dating, can be a slob. I will have to convert him. I wonder what his room looks like.

I don't understand how it could get so messy so fast. Did he clean it up when I picked him up because he knew I would see it?

I twirl my hair at the thought. He cares what I think.

"What can I do for you?" He asks with his dimpled smile.

He not so subtly starts to move the dirty dishes out of view. I don't know if I should tell him to stop or pretend, I don't notice. 

He was right about decorating his apartment for Halloween. There are black and orange lights hung around the apartment, a foam spider on the wall, 2 bowls of pumpkins that are filled with candy and say trick or treat, on top of the fridge there is a Jack Skellington and Sally figurine, and on the back door there are signs that say boo, spooky, and meow. I'm wondering how the things he didn't find will be added to this room. Maybe he decorates the whole house.

"I was walking to my apartment but ended up here." I say.

He nods.

"You can blame Peeta, I ran into him tonight." I say trying to defend myself. I probably should've at least texted him before stopping by. What if he had someone over? What if Cashmere was over here? 

"Right the art thing." He says. He's fidgeting.

"Are you okay Finnick?" I ask. I hope he isn’t hiding someone somewhere. 

_You’ve been watching too many movies Annie._

"Peeta was supposed to clean the kitchen. It doesn't always look like this… I swear it's not always like this." He says.

I smile and get on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

"Don't worry about it." I say. 

"You can sit." He says and motions towards the couch.

"Okay." I say and sit on the black leather couch.

"I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in a few days. I was trying to come up with a nice speech about Cashmere." He says and sits down.

"It's okay, you're not my boyfriend." I say.

He looks hurt when I say these words. 

_Did he think he was? Am I just an idiot who needs to define a relationship? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

He takes my hand when I start snapping the rubber band. 

"Don't be so nervous." He says.

I nod.

"Listen, about Cashmere… there's nothing going on between us. I may have um." He says.

"Slept with her." I say.

"Yeah, but not since last year. I've made it pretty clear that we should just be… normal friends. I think because we went to high school together, I thought it would be easy."

"I thought you went to an all boys school." I say. He mentioned it once in passing, that he went to one of those fancy all boys private schools. 

"I did, but there was a sister school we shared events with." He says.

"Oh." I say. 

"But Cashmere still tries to 'hang out' with me."

"Oh, just say have sex Finnick." I say. There’s no use in avoiding it, he already admitted it. 

"Fine, she keeps trying that. But I don’t want her. I just want you.” He says.

“Oh.” I say. 

"Not in just the sex way…not that I don’t want you. I do, you’re beautiful. And I’m sure you look-”

“Finnick calm down. I knew what you meant.”

He sighs. 

“Good, I didn’t want you to think I was some sleazy guy."

“I don’t. You want a relationship.” I say with a smile.

“You sound surprised.” 

"I um…" I start and snap the rubber band. "I just have never had a boyfriend before.” I say softly. 

"What?" He says surprised. He takes my hand away from the rubber band and holds it instead.

"I've never had a boyfriend… I've never had 'the talk' before. The guys I date usually leave when they see I'm... different."

"Well, all those other guys are fools then." He says and kisses my cheek. "I don't have an interest in seeing other girls. So, you can call me your boyfriend or anything you want."

I smile.

"Thank you… I might not be a very good girlfriend because I've never been one before." I say and bite my lower lip.

"You'll be perfect." He says. 

"Probably not, but I'll try to be." I say.

* * *

I groan when I hear my alarm. It’s very far off in the distance. It sounds like it is in a different room. 

I sit up and don’t recognize my surroundings. This isn’t my bed; I never use flannel sheets. It isn’t overcrowded with furniture either. I like the smell of the sheets though. It's familiar and makes me feel at ease. But where the hell am I?

I’m still in my clothes from last night so that is something. Where the hell am I?

I wipe the sleep from my eyes and stand up. When I exit the room, I recognize my surroundings. I’m at Finnick and Peeta’s still. 

_Did I fall asleep? Why was I in Finnick’s bed? And where is Finnick?_

I think I would remember having sex last night. I wasn't drunk but, ugh, today is going to be a rough day because I didn't take my meds last night. The last time I didn’t take them I was fidgety and questioned every little thing I did. As long as I don’t bite my nails, today will be a success. 

I sigh and head to the kitchen.

_Finnick should have taken me home. He didn't know though. I should carry a spare dose with me._

I pick up my purse sitting on the kitchen counter and pull out my phone. 5:15 am, it reads. I expect to find myself alone but I see Peeta in the kitchen starting the coffee. 

“Did my alarm wake you up?” I ask. 

He smiles. 

“No, before school I always woke up early to make the bread and pastries for the bakery. I just sort of got in the habit of waking up early.” 

I nod. 

I’m about to ask where Finnick is when I hear a soft snore. He’s sleeping on the couch. 

_Did he give me his room?_

I remember we started watching the television after our conversation. I think it was some horror movie because Finnick was complaining about how they had to make it less gory for the TV version.

_Did I fall asleep here?_ I never sleep over at someone else’s house, not even in high school. I must’ve been really tired. 

"Don't worry, he's a very heavy sleeper." Peeta says and motions towards Finnick on the couch.

“Oh um…” 

“You and Finnick were watching _The Evil Dead_ and you fell asleep. Finnick didn’t want to drive you home so late. Although I wouldn’t classify midnight as super late. Anyway, he let you sleep over and because he is a gentleman, he let you have his bed, and slept on the couch.”

"Oh, I should apologize, that's not very nice of me." I say and snap. "I didn’t tell Jo or Katniss; they’re probably worried about me.” I say worried. 

_Snap. Snap. Snap._

“Katniss knows and I’m sure she passed it along to Johanna.” He says. 

I nod.

_Finnick should’ve taken me home. I’m not supposed to be here. I should be getting ready to run. I guess I could run home, but it’s too close and I’m not wearing the right shoes._

“You okay Annie?” Peeta asks. 

“I um… I’m not supposed to be here. I’m supposed to be home.” I say. 

Peeta looks at me strangely. 

“Okay, you don’t have to wait for Finnick to wake up."

"I should apologize for leaving though." I say.

"I would strongly advise that you don’t wake him. He isn't a morning person. He's a terrible grouch and that’s putting it lightly. He turns into an ass.” Peeta says. I look down at Finnick. I don’t know how he can still be sleeping with us both talking. “You can leave him a note… or call him later.” He says. 

I nod. 

“Okay.” I say, even though I want to wake him up. But, Peeta makes it sound like it would be terrible if I do. "Okay." I say again.

I scribble a note saying thank you and that I had a nice time. I didn’t know what to say. I invited him to meet me at the student union later. 

By the time I get home it is 5:30 am. I’m supposed to be walking out the door right now, not inside. 

It will probably be around 6:00 am when I get back if I go for a run right now. That gives me an hour and fifteen minutes before I need to be on campus. More like an hour and five because I like to be ten minutes early for class. It will take me about twenty minutes to shower and brush my teeth. Around fifteen to brush and style my hair. I don't know how long it will take to pick out my outfit. I usually pick my outfit the night before so I don't have to worry about time restraint. I also have to eat, apply makeup, and walk to class. 

I can't go running today, there's not enough time. I should tell Finnick to take me home next time or call Johanna to pick me up. 

_There's plenty of time Annie. It doesn't take you that long to run. No, it doesn't, but I can't risk it. I can't be late and I can't wear sweatpants again. I'll take an extra long run this weekend._

* * *

Surprise. Surprise. There is lots of time left over. I could've gone on a run. Because of the extra time I decide to curl my hair. I usually curl my hair for special occasions or dates but I have enough time this morning. 

I look up the weather forecast before grabbing a jacket. It's going to start getting cold out. It is October. I smile when I pick my keys out of the Pots and Pans bowl. 

_'Don't forget to take pleasure in the small things Annie, sometimes they are the greatest.'_ I hear my Grandfather say. He was an easy guy to please and very positive, even in his dying days.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

I remember I was 14 when it happened. I got asked out to the dance by my middle school crush. In middle school there were no fancy dresses or hairdos. All the kids got together in the gym and you could wear whatever you wanted. The teachers tried to encourage students not to wear jeans but what would be the point? The gym was dark with party lights.

I met my date outside the gym. He looked handsome. I was secretly hoping I would get my first kiss at the dance. Even if it was just a peck.

The day of the dance I kept wondering if I wore the right thing or if I was good enough for him. I told my Mother and she told me, he would be a fool not to like me and that everything would be fine. But everything was not fine. I was going to paint my nails a nice pink color but couldn’t because I bit them down to nubs by the time it was to get ready. My nails were nothing, but no one seemed to mind. I liked it that way. I liked when people didn’t point out the differences I seemed to have.

When we went inside the gym there were tons of people. Okay probably not that many since this dance was just for 7th graders, but it was a decent amount.

I was scared but I always was. I thought that was normal… I thought everyone was always scared and wondering if I would get hurt or die. It’s rather obvious now that those thoughts aren’t normal. 

When it was a slow dance we swayed back and forth. This was the moment I had been waiting for all week. The slow dance...the kiss but it wasn't what I imagined. Instead of feeling the warm eyes of my date I felt the eyes of every person in that room. They were all staring at me, judging me or so I thought. In reality people were probably enjoying the dance and sipping on the punch and eating cookies. But I couldn't stop thinking about all the people and my outfit. Was I good enough? Did my date think I was pretty enough? If he kissed me, what if I got sick? What if he was dirty? I hadn't slept in a few days from the nerves and these thoughts weren’t making it any better.

The longer the song went on the more I thought about how unhygienic the kiss could be. I'm sure he could tell something was bothering me.

A feeling of dread hit followed by panic. Then I felt like I was drowning. I'm pretty sure I shouted I couldn't breathe.

They called my Mother and an ambulance because I almost passed out. 

I had to go to the hospital even though I begged them not to take me away. I already felt embarrassed. I was so sweaty and my date left me. But apparently since it happened on school grounds I had to go.

The doctor told my parents I had a panic attack and wanted to ask me a few questions to see if anything was seriously wrong.

And because of this moment even though I didn't get a kiss a few therapists think I have intimacy issues. I'm fine with kissing but once articles of clothing start hitting the floor, I feel afraid. And the unhygienic factor still plays a part. I've gotten over kissing for the most part, but ugh the other stuff.

When I wanted to lose my virginity, I had to get drunk which is easy because of my medication. I only did it because I didn't want to be a virgin anymore. I kept thinking I was abnormal and a loser so I wanted to get it over with. Even if it was with some random guy. 

It's very easy for me to do things when I'm drunk but weeks after I kept thinking I was pregnant or had some STD even though he used a condom and I'm on the pill. I just couldn't get it out of my mind, because sex leads to babies and I don’t want a baby. 

Johanna freaked out when I told her. She always thought I would wait for the right guy, possibly my wedding night. The right guy, as if that exists. If he did there would always be candles and a roaring fire in the background. 

Why am I worried about this now when I have no intention of having sex with Finnick or anyone? Maybe it is the thing with Cashmere, I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it is because of my own insecurities that no guy will ever want me. Not that I want to strip naked for some guy and say take me I’m yours. 

_Buzz. Buzz._ I hear and pull out my phone.

**Carter:** _HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!_

Yes, the day has finally arrived, October 7th. I am 21 now. My birthday is on a Wednesday so even if I wanted to throw a rager, it would have to wait until the weekend. 

"Here you go Annie." The bastria at the cafe says. They have a birthday reward. You're allowed to get a bakery item for free if you can show something that has your birthday on it. 

"Thank you." I say and take the latte and chocolate croissant. Mellark’s is better but I will never turn down free food. 

**Me:** _Thank you._

**Carter:** _so, any plans for the big day?_

**Me:** _Johanna is letting me have the big TV to myself and friday._

I was surprised when she said Friday, but she is going out and Katniss has plans with Peeta. I probably would've ended up out there anyway. Tonight, is special, because _Survivor_ is on tonight. I usually watch on the small 13-inch TV in my room. I don't remember who bought the big TV. It isn't giant, just 40 inches, but it's much better than the one in my room. 

**Carter:** _I'm hoping you have more exciting plans for the weekend._

**Me:** _not really and I like it that way._

**Carter:** _is Finnick going to watch TV with you? ;)_

**Me:** _maybe...I haven't asked._

He probably will since he is my boyfriend.

**Carter:** _well ask then!_

I roll my eyes. 

**Me:** _I will…_

**Carter:** _at least try to._

**Me:** _I will._ I type annoyed this time. 

* * *

The rest of the day is uneventful. I go to my classes, the tutoring center, and student union. People have been telling me Happy Birthday in passing, but so far, I haven’t gotten any gifts. So far, everyone is following the rules. My rules. 

"Happy Birthday baby." Finnick says and kisses my cheek.

I hold back a groan. I hate pet names, and baby is the worst.

"Okay, no." I say.

"What?" He asks, confused.

"No baby, or sweetie, or honey. Just because you're my boyfriend now doesn't mean you get to use cute names." I say.

"I'll just call you girlfriend then." He says with a smile and kisses me.

"Why don't we just stick with Annie." I say.

"Okay Annie." He says with a smile. "Happy Birthday." He says.

"Thank you." I say.

"You look really nice today." Finnick says pulling out the chair across from me. 

"Thanks." I say. 

_I hope he isn't thinking that just because it’s my birthday. I didn’t even do anything special. Why can’t I just accept a compliment?_

"And thanks for letting me stay over the other day." I say.

"I thought it would be better than waking you, was it?"

I play with the cap of my water bottle.

_No._

"Peeta said you seemed a little freaked before you left." He says. 

_Great, as if I wasn't already worried what Katniss's boyfriend thought of me. It’s been a few days I should’ve just let the subject drop. He’ll have to know eventually, I’m sure this situation will come up again._

"I don’t like sleepovers… it was like that since I was a little kid." I say.

He nods.

"I'll take you home next time."

I wave him off. 

"It's fine, really." I lie.

"You don't have to lie, Annie." He says and my face gets hot. 

_How can he always tell when I'm lying? Well, your cheeks usually turn pink._

"Okay." I say softly and eat my yogurt. 

We decided to eat at the student union. I have mockingjay cash that I need to spend. Mockingjay cash is basically a gift card. You use your student I.D instead of cash or credit. I use it instead of a meal plan. I put two hundred dollars on for each semester. That's the budget I give myself, so once it's gone no more buying food or supplies from the bookstore. 

"You weren't lying about all the Halloween decorations. “I say. 

“Oh, yes and there’s more to come.” He says with a smile. 

“You even had gross candy corn.” I say. 

“They are not gross; they are the heart of my Halloween.” He defends. 

“Whatever you say. Although, I thought you were supposed to agree with everything I say today since it is my birthday.” I say. 

“I thought you didn’t want birthday privileges.” He says with a smile. 

“I don’t.” I say. 

“Then I don’t have to agree. But seriously I don’t get why so many people diss candy corn. It’s the best. But as a helpful Halloween dessert tip, don't eat black frosting, it usually stains your tongue for hours.” He says. 

“Duly noted.” I say and smile. “I’m curious, where are you going to put the rest of it?” I say. 

“Rest of it?” He asks confused. 

“You said you had more decorations.” I say. 

“Oh well I found them, you didn’t see the bathroom or my room… or Peeta’s.” He says with a smile. 

“Well, maybe you could show me one day.” I say. 

“Maybe.” He says. “So, what are tonight’s plans? Johanna said even though you don’t want anything she set something up, so what is it?” He asks. He sounds like a kid on Christmas. He must really enjoy celebrating birthdays. I wonder what I will do for him.

“Don’t get jealous, it’s nothing special. She’s letting me watch the t.v. in the living room and ordering me a pizza.” I say. 

He frowns clearly disappointed in these plans.

“I’ll be there then, unless this is some weird, I want to be alone on my birthday type of deals.” He says and I smile. 

“You can come over and eat birthday pizza with me.” I say. 

“Okay.” He says. “Let’s call it a date then.” He says. 

“Sounds good.” I say with a smile.

“Sounds good.” He says and kisses me.

* * *

"My Queen, there is a gentleman caller at the door, should I let him in?" Johanna says and I roll my eyes. 

"You can let Finnick in." I say. She’s been calling me, ‘My Queen’ all day.

"So, you're a Queen now?" He asks with a smile.

He's holding out a small wrapped box with a perfect white bow.

"Yes." I tease.

"Happy Birthday." He says and holds out the box. "For the record this was less than 5 dollars and I know you will like it." He says and I take the package. 

"How can you know?" I ask. He said that about the pottery date at Pots and Pans as well. 

"Open it and see." He says.

I smile or at least try to. I hope it is something I like because if not then, I will have to pretend and I'm a bad pretender or liar. 

I open the package slowly and carefully. When all the paper is off, I see a light blue bakery box. It's not from Mellark's. It's from the cake store, Sprinkles. They have the best cupcakes. According to Finnick, Peeta bought a lot once to try and copy the recipe, but never got it right. Sprinkles is the place to go when you want cake or cupcakes. They cost a ridiculous amount so I buy them on rare occasions, when I have a bad day or get a good grade on something I thought I failed. Christmas and Thanksgiving too. I never thought about getting a cupcake for my birthday. I guess it’s because I don’t see the point in celebrating them. Why would I buy myself a cake for just another boring day?

"It's red velvet." He says.

I smile. He knows those are my favorite because I went on and on about cream cheese frosting, that's what makes a red velvet cake.

"Thank you." I say. "You can sit down." I say because he is still standing. "Just… take off your shoes first and put them on the mat."

I don't like when people wear their shoes inside. They're probably dirty and then it will get on the carpet and might stain it. I hope he is wearing socks though, because feet creep me out. They're just so dirty.

He nods and takes his shoes off. His socks have spaceships on them. 

"So how has your birthday been so far?" He asks.

"I think it just got better." I say. 

"Because you got cake." He says.

"Because you're here." I say and kiss his cheek. 

He smiles.

“Glad to hear I can brighten your day." He says. "So, what are the plans?" He asks.

"Johanna just went to pick up my special pizza, then I'm going to watch _Survivor_ and probably head to bed early." I say.

"What's a special pizza?" He asks.

"It's my order; pepperoni, banana peppers, mushrooms, and extra cheese." I say.

"Are you sharing this pizza?" He asks.

"Are you hungry?" I ask.

"Might be." He says with a smile. 

"Then you may share with the birthday Queen." I say.

"I should feel honored." He says.

"You should." I tease and kiss him. Not a simple peck or kiss but the kind I only give when we are alone. 

I let my fingers run through his hair and only think of his lips and tongue against mine. 

"What do we have here?" I hear Johanna say, I didn’t even hear her come inside. I back away from Finnick and feel guilty for some reason.

"Watching TV." I say. 

"Must be hard with Finnick's tongue in your mouth." Johanna says with a smirk. 

"Is that the birthday pizza?" Finnick says reaching for it.

"Yes, I made sure they didn't burn it like they did last week. I think we may need to find a new pizza place." She says and gives the box to Finnick.

"Do you want a drink?" I ask Finnick.

"Yeah, sure whatever is fine." He says.

I nod and head to the kitchen with Johanna in tow.

"What?" I ask opening the fridge, pulling out two root beers.

"Remember Annie, no sex unless it's safe sex." She says.

"Johanna." I say and can feel my face burning. "We were just kissing."

"I'd call it a pretty hot make out session." She says with a smile. "Could probably lead to some action."

"Not for me." I say.

"It looked like you were enjoying it." She says.

"I do like kissing my boyfriend." I say and reach for the paper plates and napkins.

"How much?" She says with a devilish smile.

"Johanna stop we aren’t going to have sex tonight. You can tease me about it tomorrow but not right now." I say.

She huffs.

"Fine, go and eat your birthday pizza my Queen." She says with a smile. I roll my eyes and walk back to the common room.

"Here." I say and give Finnick a drink and plate.

"Thanks." He says with a smile "So you watch _Survivor_?" He says like it's a joke.

I roll my eyes.

"Yes, and no more teasing it's about to start." I say.

* * *

"Time for cake." I say once the show is over.

Most of the pizza is gone and both of our sodas.

"Yes, your present." Finnick says with a smile. 

"You can have some too, the cupcakes are always so big." I say and bring the blue box to the kitchen.

"Whatever you want." He says.

We decided to split it in half. I use a fork and Finnick uses his hands. 

"So, was it good, birthday girl?" He asks.

"Yes." I say and kiss him. Not a simple thank you kiss either. He tastes like the cream cheese frosting and Finnick, two things I enjoy greatly. 

I run my fingers through his hair and moan softly when he starts to suck my tongue. My lungs are burning for oxygen but I don't care.

_This would be a nice way to suffocate._

Finnick breaks the kiss and we are both breathing heavily.

"I have to… clean up the pizza." I say, trying to ignore my thudding heartbeat as I walk back to the common room. 

That was the best kiss I've ever had and I want more. If I wasn't me, I would probably drag him back to my room. But my room is probably too messy for him to see. My bed is unmade and I didn't put my running shoes away, in its special place in my closet. I think I left a drawer open and there is so much furniture.

"I can help, you shouldn't be doing such straining work on your birthday." He smirks.

I roll my eyes.

"I think I can handle throwing something in the fridge." I say walking back to the kitchen, putting the pizza box in the fridge. 

"So now what happens?" He asks, pushing a stray hair behind my ear.

"What?" I ask, confused.

_Does he want to kiss again too? Does he want to go to my bedroom and… do stuff? Or does he just want to watch TV?_

"For your birthday, anything else planned?" He asks.

_I wouldn't mind kissing you again._

I clear my throat.

"Not really, just watching television and eating pizza was all." I say and try not to fiddle with my rubber band. 

_I need to be more honest, I'm sure Finnick won't object to a make out session. Maybe being honest should be a goal. No one tells 100% the truth, they keep things to themselves. Things they are too afraid or embarrassed to share._

That's what I tell myself anyway. 

"I might find something on Netflix… I have been obsessed with _Grey's Anatomy_ recently." I say.

"That's the show with doctors, right?" He asks. 

"Surgeons actually." I say. "Or I could give you a tour of the apartment." I say.

"I've actually been here before." He says and shoves his hands in pockets.

"Really? How? When?" I ask.

"Johanna, I was here for probably 5 minutes once. She needed help bringing the groceries up." He says.

_Of course, she would ask someone instead of taking two trips._

“Oh, makes sense.” I say, and he nods.

* * *

“What’s the age difference between those two, I mean she’s an intern and he’s an established doctor.” Finnick says. 

I decided we should just watch _Grey’s Anatomy_ instead of trying to get him back to my room to make out. I just kept thinking of my unmade bed and shoes sitting out. I’m not wearing the right underwear either.

“I think it’s like 10 years or so.” I say. I know I looked it up once and was surprised by how big the age difference was. “Too big of a gap for you?” I ask with a smile. 

He shrugs.

“When you like someone, you can’t help it. But they don’t look 10 years apart.” Finnick says. 

“I don’t think the actors are, like how in high school shows the kids are usually in their twenties.” 

I don’t think he is very interested in the show, but I do like cuddling next to him, it feels nice. 

“I should probably get going.” Finnick says after the episode is over. I can’t blame him. It is 10:45 and I rarely stay up this late on a weekday. 

“Okay.” I say and watch him put on his shoes. “Thank you for the birthday cake.” I say. 

“No problem, thanks for sharing.” He says. 

“No problem.” I repeat and kiss him.

“Bye birthday girl.” He says with a smile. 

“Bye.” I say as he walks out the door. 

_Today was a good day. I hope I continue having good days._

* * *

"Hold this." I say while spreading out the blanket.

It’s a clear night tonight so Finnick suggested we go to my secret star gazing spot to look at the stars. I was a little weary considering it is November, but I brought some blankets and made sure to wear a hoodie as well as my coat. It hasn’t snowed yet, hasn’t even been below 45, but I want to make sure we don’t freeze. 

"What's in this thermos?" He asks.

"Hot chocolate, I thought it would keep us warm." I say. 

"Nice." He says with a smile. "I think it will go nicely with the cookies Peeta made.” He says and pulls out a bag of cookies.

"Yeah it will." I say and smile. "Just in case you didn't like hot chocolate I brought tea too."

"Why wouldn't I like it?" He asks, confused.

"You said you didn't like chocolate." I say trying not to smile. I don’t know why I find it so funny, but I do.

"I'm guessing this is Swiss Miss, does that really count?" He asks and sits next to me. 

I shrug.

"I guess." I say and open the hot chocolate taking a small sip. "I made it with almond milk. I hope that's okay." I say.

When Johanna does Swiss Miss, she does half water and half milk and Katniss uses whole milk. I like almond milk though; it gives it something a little extra. 

"Why don't you use that in your coffee?" He asks taking a sip.

"I do when it's iced coffee." I say.

"Why?" He asks, amused.

"It tastes better." I say.

"Okay weirdo." He says with a smile and I roll my eyes.

“Says the man who needs 20 sugar packs in one latte.”

“Hey, it’s more like 10 and that espresso you love is so strong.” He says and shivers. "So, astronomer, do you know any of the stars?" He asks and lies next to me. 

"That one's the North Star… that's the Big Dipper and the Little one close by, and that's Orin's Belt." I say. "That's all I can name." I say. 

"Better than me." He says.

We don't talk much, just look at the sky and share the hot chocolate and cookies. I like this, it would probably be better if it was warmer weather, but it still feels nice. 

"Tell Peeta the cookies are really good." I say after they are all gone.

“Will, do.” Finnick says and takes the last sip of hot chocolate.

When I start to get cold, I snuggle next to him.

"Don't fall asleep." He kisses my hair line. "If I carried you back to the car it would look like I kidnapped you." He says. 

"I won't." I say. I hear a rustling and Finnick sits up.

“Come back down.” I say missing his body heat.

“Didn’t you hear that?” He asks.

“This isn’t a scary movie Finnick, it was probably a squirrel." I say. 

"Okay." He says not as convinced but lies back down.

In about ten minutes I'm wishing we have left. 

"What do we have here?" I hear Clove's voice and wince. "Looks very romantic."

I sit up and she looks shocked.

"Hi Clove." I say, trying not to sound annoyed. She's in my portrait drawing class and a mean little thing. 

_Wait if she is in my drawing class, that means-_

"I thought we weren’t allowed to fraternize with the models." She says with a smirk.

I try to avoid her gaze. I'm sure there is a rule so sexual harassment isn't an issue. Finnick did say he had to fill out a ton of forms, I'm sure some of them are about the subject. 

"I… I don't use the live art." I say. I guess that is a good excuse. I guess, but I’ve been dating Finnick for a few months. I’m sure it isn’t a big deal.

"And Annie and I have been dating before I was assigned to her class. She had no idea." Finnick says. He sounds very protective. 

"Well I can't blame you; I would want to check out the car before I rode it too." She says with a smirk. 

I can feel tears form in my eyes. Not from embarrassment but anger. I want to slap that smug look off her face. 

"Clove let's go back to my apartment. I'm not much of an exhibitionist." I hear a familiar voice say. He comes from the trees, his blonde hair and pale complexion shining in the moonlight.

I thought Cato was dating a blonde cheerleader, Glimmer. Well, he's either cheating or in casual relationships. I think it is the latter.

"Nothing, Annie is breaking a rule." Clove says. 

Cato sees me then rolls his eyes.

"Like Annie Cresta would ever break a rule. She's a goodie two shoes. Besides, weren’t we in the middle of something?" He says.

I look at both. The clothes are messy and Clove’s are covered with grass and leaves. 

_Exhibitionist… they were having sex or going to. Ew._

"Let's go." Cato takes her hand and starts to drag her away.

"This isn't over Annie!" I hear her shout. 

I ball my hands to fists.

"Are you okay?" Finnick asks when they are out of ear shot.

"She's such a bitch." I say and can feel tears roll down my cheeks.

"Woah." Finnick says, surprised.

"What?" I say.

"I've never heard you swear before."

"Well, I'm mad." I say. I usually only swear when I'm mad. 

"Don't worry." He kisses my forehead. "You won't get in trouble." 

"She ruined tonight." I say. Stuffing the thermos in the bag. 

"No, she didn't." Finnick says.

"Yes, she did, whenever I think about tonight, I will think of her and not about you." 

"Don't let her win." Finnick says.

"I'm trying." I say.

"I know." He says and rolls up the blanket.

"I have to say thank you to Cato." I mumble. I’m sure he was right about the goodie two shoes thing, but he did drag her away.

"Well he did get her to walk away." He says. He takes my hand and we walk back to his car. 

"I just ugh." I say and slam the door shut.

"It's okay Annie."

"I'm just so mad and worried that she is going to tell someone."

"Like I said you won't get in trouble."

"You just saying ‘I'm your girlfriend’ might not be enough." I say.

"They have a page you fill out about people you're dating or intend to date. And I'm pretty sure we kissed shortly after one class. The teacher would have seen."

"I guess… Finnick you just missed the turn to my apartment." I say.

"I know. I figured you wanted to rant a little longer and there's something about a car that makes it much better." He says with a smile.

"So, you really put me on the form?" I ask.

"We did go on a date before and I really liked you. I hoped it would go further." He says.

"You thought that far ahead." I say surprised.

“Yeah… speaking of thinking ahead. I was wondering what you’re doing over winter break?" He asks. 

"It's not even December." I say.

"I know, but I know you don't like flying."

"Where exactly am I going?" I ask.

"New York, I wanted to ask if you would visit me." He says, he sounds nervous.

"Oh." I say and twirl a loose strand on my jacket.

"You don't have to answer right away, I figured if I gave you some time you would be okay with the idea of flying."

_It doesn't work like that._

"I don't want to meet your parents...yet." I say. If I’m honest I will never be ready for that, but it’s too soon.

"Don't worry, they will be in Paris visiting my sister.” He says.

"And you don't want to visit her?" I ask surprised. He seems very close with her.

"When I told her, it was to spend time with my girlfriend she was overjoyed. I've never asked that before." He says and pulls into the parking lot. "Let me walk you to the door." He says. It's a little over midnight. 

"Okay." I say.

"You can forget about my invite if you want, I won't bring it up again." He says.

"Okay." I say and pull out my keys. "Visiting New York would be much more exciting than watching Netflix all day." I say with a smile. I'll want to talk it over with Dr. Aurelius. I know he isn't the end all be all but I know it will make me feel better. 

"Okay." He says with a smile.

"This isn't a yes." I say and put the key in the lock.

"I know." He says with a smile.

"Goodnight Finnick." I say.

"Goodnight Annie." He says and kisses me. Not a simple good night peck. I think we have what you call a ‘high school relationship’, actually no, because Finnick and I have only kissed. He’s never even seen me topless before. I should probably give him something because he rarely makes advances.

I let the bag fall from my hand so I can run my fingers through his hair. I lean against the door and focus on his lips, his tongue, his mouth.

 _God he's such a good kisser_. I think as my lungs start to burn. I probably shouldn't be making out with Finnick on my doorstep, giving the neighbors an excellent show but it feels so nice. How did Finnick and I go from awkward kisses to this? 

I break the kiss. 

"Finnick." I whisper. I can see my breath in the air indicating how cold it has gotten. 

"Yes?" He says and places a tender kiss on my jaw. 

“I uh…”

 _If I invite him in there are probably expectations. Besides what would I even say ‘alright Finnick we’re going to make out but nothing else’, doesn’t sound like the right thing._ “Um, goodnight.” I say and try to open the door but it doesn’t bug because I haven’t unlocked it yet.

Finnick tries to cover a laugh but fails.

I guess there is still some awkwardness in there.

Finnick smiles. 

“Goodnight Annie.” He says and kisses my forehead. “Think about what I said.” He says. 

I nod and unlock the door. 

“I will.” I say with a smile and walk inside.

_Could I really go to New York? Finnick Odair you will be the death of me._


	7. Chapter 7

"What is it with you and Peeta?" Finnick asks, as I grab the hand mixer.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“You’re both cooking for Thanksgiving, and it is tomorrow.” Finnick says.

Thanksgiving and many holidays aren’t my thing, there’s usually a large group of people who attend. Most of the family comes over for Thanksgiving dinner and my Mother got the short straw to host it at her house this year. 

At least I have that going for me, being in my own home will make it better. And I can run away to my room if I feel too uncomfortable. 

"My parents didn't have time to make the pies this year." I say.

My parents got a little overwhelmed for Thanksgiving this year so I offered to make the pies. It shouldn’t take very long, it’s just a simple recipe. Simple, but good. 

"Why can't you just pick one up at the store?" He asks.

"Because homemade is tradition. Besides, it’s all in the crust, homemade is much better.” I say and he rolls his eyes. “What do the Odair's have for Thanksgiving dessert?" I ask. I expected him to go home yesterday, but here he is. 

He shrugs.

"Have to ask the caterer." He says.

"Caterer?" I say, shocked. Who the hell hires a caterer for a Thanksgiving dinner for 5? “Is it like a big celebration with every family member?” I ask. Maybe I got misinformed when he said it would just be his parents, sister, and Grandmother. 

He shakes his head.

"No. It’s just, no one in my family can cook." Finnick says.

I nod. 

"Well, I can teach you how to make pumpkin chiffon and cherry pie. The secret is the crust, that's why you can't get a store bought one." I say.

“Whatever you say Annie.” He says with a smile and brings me the flour. 

"So, when are you leaving again?" I ask.

"Tonight, I'll fly home and be back on Monday." He says.

_ Fly home.  _ He hasn't brought up the New York trip like he promised but I still don't know if I should say yes or no. It's more than just throwing up in public. I think the plane will crash, plus there are all those people. 

“Do you need a ride to the airport? I can stay and drive you." I say.

“Thanks, but Peeta’s got me covered.” He says with a smile. 

“Oh.” I say somewhat disappointed. If I said I promised to take him I could avoid the house for a little longer. My Grandmother came a day earlier than she was supposed to. It may not sound like a big deal, but staying around your racist, sexist, homophobic, Grandparent isn’t ideal. More than one home helper has quit on her. I don’t blame them, she’s a terrible bitter old lady.

Then there’s my Aunt who will be here for dinner. She likes to mention repeatedly of how proud she is that someone like me is attending college. She also tries to set me up with one of my cousin's friends. It isn’t out of the goodness of her heart; she thinks I am incapable of doing anything by myself. I honestly don’t know which one of us hates it more, for his sake he will be with his Father this year. 

I know she is going to backhandedly complain that she had to get a hotel room when there is enough room for her, if Carter and I shared a room. I would never let her sleep in my room, Carter maybe. But it would make me feel more comfortable if people avoided my room. It’s why my room is exactly the same as when I left it. 

* * *

"Ew." I say when I spill flour and egg on my hoodie, well actually it is Finnick's Panem University hoodie.

_ I shouldn't have worn something that isn’t mine. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.  _

"I should've worn my apron." I mumble.

"Don't worry, it's just a little flour. I'm sure it will come out. " He says

"Yeah, I guess." I say but am still disappointed in myself. "I'm going to put it in the wash anyway." 

"Fine, if you insist." Finnick says. 

I take it off and throw it in the washer. I know this won't ruin his hoodie but I feel bad. 

"So now what do we do?" He asks when I come back in the kitchen. 

"Put the pumpkin chiffon in the fridge and cherry in the oven." I say. 

"So, you don't bake the pumpkin?" He asks skeptically.

"That's correct you don't bake pumpkin chiffon." I say. 

"Interesting." He says and puts the cherry in the oven. "Ta da! Now what?" He asks.

"We clean." I say overdramatically.

"Aren't you cold?" He asks scrubbing down the counter. 

I only wear tank tops when I wear a hoodie so all I've got on is an old tight tank top. I probably should've gotten rid of it or turned it into a sleep shirt but it is just so comfy.

"The oven will keep me warm." I say. 

He rolls his eyes but keeps looking this way.

_ Is he checking me out? It's just a tank top. A very tight one Annie. And you're not wearing a bra. _

"So, are you excited to see your sister?" I ask.

He nods.

"She loves Thanksgiving."

"I thought Odair's loved every holiday." I tease.

"Quite possibly, but this is her holiday." He says and throws the rag in the sink.

"So, are you coming back Monday?" He asks and puts the sponge down. 

34 minutes left on the timer

"That's the plan, although it may change." I say, if my family is too annoying.

"Well I'm sure your Thanksgiving will be a good one because of the pies." He says and wraps his arms around my waist. 

"I'm sure it will be. I just hope there is no drama." I say.

"Are Cresta family Thanksgivings filled with drama?" He asks. 

"Not always but the overdramatic Aunt and racist Grandmother are never a good thing." I say.

"Do lots of people come over for Thanksgiving?" 

"Yes, the house will feel so claustrophobic. I'm glad it's at home, I can hide in my room if I need to." I say.

"Well you can call me if you need to. Odair Thanksgiving is generally served at 2:00, so we can munch the rest of the day." 

"Thank you but I don't want to ruin your holiday." I say.

"You won't." He says and kisses me. Here we go again with the kissing, someone always seems to walk in when we make out but the timer is the one who interrupts us this time.

“Now what?” Finnick asks as I set the pie out to cool.

“It has to cool. I’ll try and save you a piece if there is any leftover.” I say. He nods. “When’s your flight again?” I ask.

“6:15.” He says.

“Well, that gives us plenty of time to get your hoodie cleaned.”

“Have any idea what to do while we wait?” He asks.

I wrap my arms around his neck.

“I have a few ideas.” I say and press my lips to his.

* * *

“Annie!” I hear multiple people say when I walk through the front door. I’m glad I left when I did because it’s starting to snow and I hate driving in the snow. One time I had to pull over because it was so bad. I remember crying on the side of the road, thinking I would be stranded at the rest stop forever.

“Are those the pies?” My Mom asks as soon as I walk in the kitchen

“Yes, those are the pies.” I say.

“The pumpkin can go in the basement.” She says and I nod.

I walk down the slim steps to the basement.

I sigh.

_ You’re a big girl Annie. You don’t need to be afraid of the basement.  _ Our basement isn’t finished, I was always afraid to go downstairs when I was little. There was only one light and the darkness made it creepy, and it didn’t help that Carter liked to make ghost sounds.

“Boo.” I hear and jump out of my skin. I’m sure I would’ve dropped the pie.

“Carter what the hell.” I say and shove him.

“Thought it would be funny.” He says.

“Well, it wasn’t.” I say. “What are you doing down here anyway?” I ask.

“Hiding from Grandma, she can’t walk downstairs, remember.” He says.

“She’s not here.” I say.

“Well, she was earlier. Is Aunt Lily here yet?” He asks.

“Her car was in the driveway. I tried to avoid the living room.” I say.

“I wish we could be with Dad’s side of the family this year; Mom’s is so overdramatic and mean.” He says.

“Wonder why Mom isn’t.” I say.

He shrugs.

“Doesn’t really matter.”

“Annie.” My Aunt is in her high-pitched voice.

“Coming.” I say and leave the basement.

* * *

I try to be as quiet as possible when I leave the house to go for a run. I know it's a holiday and shouldn't be waking up at 5:00 am but I can't help it. I made sure I left a note 3 times so no one thinks something bad happened to me overnight.

I can see a puff of air every time I breathe but don't feel cold at all. I run fast and listen to the blaring music so I won't have to think of all the people back at the house. The answer is nine Grandma, 2 cousins, one aunt, one uncle, my parents and brother. It's not in the double digits so it's not too terrible.

After 20 minutes I reach my destination; Starbucks. I would call my brother but know he is still asleep.

I sit in one of the stools and sip my latte slowly. The place is completely empty and I don’t know if it is because of Thanksgiving or early morning, but don’t care. I like being alone.

“Annie Cresta?” I hear and turn.

“Hi Thresh.” I say to the strong man across from me. We went to high school together. I don’t know if I would call him a friend but he was always kind to me.

“Yo u here for Thanksgiving?” He asks.

I nod

“I keep running into everyone from school. It’s kind of nice.” He says with a smile.

“Yeah, I guess.” I say. 

“You go to Panem University, right?”

I take a sip and nod.

“Yeah.” I say.

“I heard that school throws crazy parties.” He says.

“Well, I wouldn’t know, it’s not really my scene. My roommate would probably agree with you though.” Johanna loves partying and clubbing. Pretty much anything with alcohol and big crowds she likes.

“Oh right.” He mumbles and rubs the back of his neck.

“Thresh!” The barista calls.

“Well, that’s me. I’ve gotta get back and help my Grandma with the turkey, Happy Thanksgiving.” He says with a smile.

“Happy Thanksgiving.” I say with a smile.

* * *

“So how has school been going dear?” My Aunt Lily asks.

“School is going great.” I say and take a big bite of mashed potatoes. The more food I have in my mouth the longer it takes to chew.

“Even though you have a well…  _ questionable  _ major.” Aunt Lily says.

“I find it admirable Annie.” My Uncle Sal says. My Mother’s brother.

“Oh yes so do I, I mean a girl like  _ you  _ living and going to school all by yourself.” She says.

“Yes, a girl like me.” I mumble.

“I’m sure your roommates like you, even if they have to deal with your  _ issues _ .” She says.

“Well, I somehow manage even though I'm very delicate.” I say sarcastically. My Uncle noticed but she didn’t.

“Don’t beat yourself up darling. We can’t control your  _ issues _ .” She says.

_ Who the hell is we? She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. _

"Speaking of, I have the perfect guy for you Annie." Aunt Lily says and pulls out her phone. I always wonder where she finds these guys. She seems to always have one on hand, I’m sure my cousin doesn’t know all of them.

"Actually, Aunt Lily I'm seeing someone." I say. I’m finally glad I can say this. I would’ve lied before but she wants proof.

"What?" She says like I told her pigs could fly.

"I've been seeing someone since September." I say.

"What?!" She says loudly causing a few people to turn. "I didn't see it online." She says as if that makes it untrue.

I don't have an Instagram or Twitter and I haven't posted something on Facebook in years. I don’t see the point of them, if I really wanted someone to see I would send it to them.

"Let me see this boy." She says.

"Okay." I say and hand her my phone. We took a picture on Halloween for the costume party at his house, it was just a small get together. I only had to run away to the bathroom once. Even though I told Finnick he could wear whatever he wanted at his party he decided to do a low-key outfit with me. Jack and Coke. I wore a Jack Daniel's shirt and he wore a Coca Cola shirt. Not the best costume considering when we weren't together, we looked normal but I thought it was a cute idea.

She looks shocked by the photo. We aren't kissing or anything, his arm is just around my waist. 

"You're dating this young man?" She asks.

"Yes." I say and reach for my phone but she shoves me away.

"Rebecca, did you know your daughter was dating this boy?" She asks.

Yes _ , she  _ does _.  _ My Mom has tried to get Finnick over for dinner ever since I told her I had a boyfriend. I can't blame her. She is very curious about the mystery man who makes her daughter happy. 

"Rebecca." My Aunt yells again. I always wonder how my Mother isn't as shallow as this woman. They're sisters but have very little in common.

* * *

"Hiding too?" My brother asks with a smile. I snuck out the back door when I thought no one was looking. The house was getting so hot and Aunt Lily more annoying.

"Aunt Lily took my phone and is baffled that I managed to find a guy who would willingly date me." I say. "Why are you hiding?" I ask.

"Are you kidding, Nana just pulled out the whiskey. She's bad enough sober, I would hate to see her drunk." He says with a smirk and I chuckle.

"I wonder if every family has an annoying member." I say.

"Probably, and if you think you don’t, you're it." He says.

“Annie!” I hear and we both turn. It’s our cousin Robert. “Stole this for you, Aunt Lily was bragging about your boyfriend to everyone.”

I roll my eyes.

I see Finnick texted me while Aunt Lily had the phone. I hope he didn’t text something embarrassing or inappropriate

**Finnick-** _ Happy Thanksgiving!  _ He attached a picture of him and his sister sitting at the dinner table. You can tell they are related by the similar beauty and green eyes. Her hair is a honey blonde. If it’s fake it is a very good dye job.

**Me-** _ Happy Turkey Day! :D. _

**Finnick-** Everything _ okay? _

**Me-** _ You know, same old, same old. So, what was the Odair dessert? _

He sends me a picture of a half-eaten pumpkin pie.

**Finnick-** _ I’m sure yours was better. _

**Me-** _You flatter me._

**Finnick-** _ If you save me a piece, I can be the judge. _

**Me-** _ There probably won’t be one left. _

My Mom doesn’t like keeping the pie sitting around too long because of the egg whites.

**Finnick-** _ Darn ;( _

"We should go somewhere." Our cousin Rob says.

"It's Thanksgiving." I say.

"I doubt most places are closed. We could go to the park; it is right around the block." Carter says. 

“Okay.” We both say.

"How old are you Robert?" I ask as we walk down the street.

"Just turned 18." He says proudly.

"So, you're graduating this year?" I ask.

"Yeah I actually looked at your school for a choice."

"Well, I could show you the local places instead of just dorms and classrooms." I say. 

"Mmh that's okay. I didn't like it that much.”

I nod. I can understand that.

“Besides, Dad said if I go there, I will have to live at home, with it being only an hour away.” He says and I nod. I wanted to be close to home, but I can see the appeal of going far away. “Yeah, I figure high school is over. I should try and live by myself for a bit.” He says.

“Well, if you live in the dorms pray for a good roommate.” Carter says.

“I will, I’ve heard plenty of horror stories.” He says with a smile.

We each sit on one of the swings on the swing set. Carter and I would come here as kids all the time. It’s not a very special park, just a small playground and a few swing sets.

“So, you two doing anything exciting for Christmas break, Dad wants to go skiing.” He says.

“Nothing too exciting planned for me.” Carter says.

“What about you Annie?” Robert asks.

“Well, my boyfriend asked me to go to New York.”

“Wait, what?” Carter says. That’s right, I only told Johanna and my therapist.

“He asked me a few weeks ago.” I say.

“What did you say?” Carter asks.

“That I would think about it.” I say.

“You should really consider it Annie, Christmas in New York is something.” Robert says.

“I would be at home for Christmas, he just asked sometime over break.” I say.

“It’s still something.” Robert says.

I sigh and can see my breath.

“We should probably head back.” I say. 

Carter and Robert exchange looks. We haven’t been here that long.

“We can’t miss the pie.” I use as a lame excuse. 

“Okay.” They both say.

* * *

I toss and turn but sleep doesn’t come. Instead of trying to think of the reasons why I decide to go to the kitchen, maybe another piece of pie will help.

"What are you doing up?" I ask my Dad. He’s standing over the sink with a rag in his hand. The kitchen is a mess, there are many dirty dishes. The dishwasher already had to be run twice.

"Doing the dishes so it will be easier tomorrow." He says.

I nod.

"Want me to dry?" I ask. He smiles and nods.

We work in silence, something I like about my Dad. He seems to know when to stay quiet and when to talk.

"Your pies were delicious Annie." He says.

"Thank you." I say.

"You're as good as your Mother with those pies. Most people have trouble getting the crust just right." He says.

"Mom taught me when I was little." I say and take a platter. 

"So, anything new? Your Aunt kept going on and on about your boyfriend." He says with a teasing smile.

I roll my eyes. He pokes my side, making me smile. 

"He invited me to visit him during winter break." I say.

"Huh." My Dad says surprised.

"What does that mean?" I ask.

"Didn't you say Finnick lived out of state." 

"He lives in New York, the part with the city." I say.

"How do you plan on getting there?" He asks.

"Well, I'd probably fly." I say.

"I meant how are you going to pay for it?" He asks.

I didn't think about that. I was too worried about the plane; I didn’t even think about ticket prices. I don’t have over a hundred dollars lying around. I could probably get some discounts, but I don't want to use all my 'fun' money for one trip.

"That's what I thought." He says with a smile. "We didn't give you a birthday present."

"That's because I'm 21." I say.

"Your Mother and I decided the cut off age for presents would be 25. Although the older you get the less you will get. And you stopped asking for birthday presents when you were 16. That's about 500 dollars sitting around."

"I don't need the money."

"I know you don't need it. Your Mother and I give it to you so you can buy something you want. It might be something silly but you don't need to use your own money, it’s a treat." 

I sigh. 

"I haven't even decided if I should go, there are so many people on a plane and airports. And I've never stayed at Finnick's house."

"I thought you were supposed to be trying new things."

I want to groan

"This is a big new thing." 

"I'm sure Finnick will pick you up at the airport and you'll have to get used to staying in hotels and others houses eventually Annie."

I sigh. Eventually should have probably happened years ago, but he is right. Unless I want to be a hermit.

It's silent for a few minutes. Although I would rather him say something, anything. 

"I'm scared." I say.

"I know." He says. He sounds sad. Of course he does. He can’t help me with a few encouraging words. And he knows he doesn't really understand. “Remember what we told you and your brother when we were little?” He says.

I want to groan. I think he only told us this to do our chores or stop whining.

“You just have to push through.” I say.

“Exactly. Don’t think too much Annie, just push through it.” He says with a smile.

“Okay.” I say and set the towel down.

“I think I’ll want to meet this boy before you go off to New York.” He says.

“I haven’t decided.”

“Yes, you have. You knew the answer as soon as he asked.”

Well he isn’t 100% wrong, but I can’t just up and leave.

“Does he like pot roast, your Mother makes an excellent one.”

“Dad.” I say annoyed.

“Can you at least ask him?” He says.

“Fine, if I go to New York I will invite him over to dinner.” I say.

I know Finnick would say yes to the invitation. He’ll get a home cooked meal and meet my parents, two things he probably wants.

“Okay.” My Father says with a smile. 


	8. Chapter 8

"Okay we got sweet and sour, sesame, kung pao, teriyaki, general tso, lo mein, chow mein, egg drop soup, dumplings, eggs rolls, and crab rangoon." Finnick says.

"Did you order the whole menu?" I ask looking at the piles of take out boxes. Finnick still wanted to try Asian Garden so he brought it to us. 

"I wanted to get you a variety of things to try." He says. I’ve only had Chinese food a handful of times and I haven’t been able to find anything I like, so I guess this is a good opportunity. But there’s no way we can eat all of this. 

"So, this is just us?" I ask.

"Don't worry I can eat leftovers; it might be nice to not cook during finals week." He says.

"Finals week." I say as Finnick hands me a plate.

"Yes, and once those are out of the way we can laze around for a few weeks." He says with a smile.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that." I say and take a bite of chicken with dark sauce. 

"On how to laze around?" He says and takes an egg roll.

"No… yes." I clear my throat. "I was wondering, if visiting you was still an option."

"It is." He says with a smile. 

"I was thinking maybe I should buy a ticket."

"Really?" He says, eyes gleaming.

"Really, but there is kind of a condition." I say.

"Name it." He says.

"My Dad wants to meet you and my Mom."

"Okay." He says and takes a bite of sweet and sour chicken. "I'm sure they will love me."

"Don't worry they will. Especially once they hear I've decided to go to New York, by myself." I say and feel my palms sweat. 

"You won't be by yourself. We'll be together." He says and kisses my cheek. 

_Not on the plane._

I nod.

"My parents leave for Paris on December 19th and won't come home until New Year’s Eve."

"That long?" I say surprised. I guess they are visiting their daughter. I wonder why he wants to go back home when his family will be gone for most of break. Wouldn’t he want to stay here with Peeta? I guess he probably has friends back home he wants to visit. 

"Yeah my Father has some work over there." 

"What does your Dad do?" I ask. 

"He's trying to expand the company he works at, to Europe. They think Paris is the right place to start."

"Oh." I say. “Will your Dad have to move?” I ask. 

“Nah, I’m sure they’ll find someone to take over once he’s gone.” He says. 

I nod. 

"So, when do you want to visit?" He asks. 

"Well, I want to be with my parents on Christmas." I say. 

He nods. 

"How long do you want me to visit?” I ask. 

“As long as you want.” He says. 

“How about a week?” I say. 

“Sounds good.” He says. 

“I think the day after Christmas sounds good.” I say. 

“Perfect, I’ll start planning the activities.” He says with a smile. 

“Um, Finnick-”  
  


“Don’t worry I won’t take you anywhere strange. I can’t promise crowded because lots of people live in the city.” 

“Okay.” I say. 

“And I won’t make any surprises.” He says. 

“Thank you.” I say with a smile.

**\---------**

"I didn't expect you to be nervous." I say when I park in the driveway.

"I'm not nervous." He says and twirls his thumbs. 

"My parents are going to love you Finnick." I say and kiss his cheek. It's true they will love him. They probably already love him. My Mother almost cried tears of joy when I told her I was going to New York over break. 

Finnick wanted to look nice so he wore a button-down shirt and khaki pants. He tried to make his hair look unmessy but that seems impossible for his hair. 

I take his hand as we walk up the driveway. I don't want to sound mean but I'm a little glad he's nervous. It reminds me other people get nervous too. 

'Hello?" I say when I walk inside. 

"Annie." My Mother says coming from the kitchen. 

"This is Finnick." I say and motion towards him.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Cresta." He says holding out his hand. 

“Rebecca is fine dear.” She says and takes his hand. “So, do you like pot roast?” She asks with a smile. I bet Finnick is tired of this question. I asked him more than once already. I’m curious what she would do if he said no. It’s not like she can whip something up in a jiffy. 

“I always love a good pot roast. I haven’t had a home cooked meal in ages. Although my roommate does a pretty good job.” Finnick says and smiles.

“Is Dad home yet?” I ask. 

“He should be in a few minutes so in the meantime you can show Finnick around.” She says with a smile. 

“Oh.” I say. I didn’t think I would have to give him a house tour. “Okay.” I say and we walk off. 

“And what is in that room?” Finnick asks when we are outside my bedroom.

“My room.” I say and walk inside. “Try not to touch anything.” I say and he nods. 

“So, this is where you grew up?” He asks and sits at the desk chair. 

“Yeah, lots of homework was done at that very desk.” I say with an awkward smile. 

“Do you not like me in here?” He asks. He asked me this when I showed him my room in the apartment. My room at school not so much but here, yeah. I still have posters of kittens on the wall saying, ‘hang in there’. 

I hear the front door close and breathe in relief.

“That will be my Dad.” I say. 

I do the awkward introduction like I did with Mom, but Finnick seems to get along with him just fine. 

"So Finnick, tell us about yourself."

“This isn’t an interrogation dear.” My mother says with disapproval in her voice. 

“It’s alright Rebecca.” Finnick says and goes in explicit detail of the classes he takes, his sister, and major. Sports marketing is bound to have a built-in conversation of sports. They talk sports; arguing if the right player was traded, if the right team won the championship, certain plays, etc. I started to ignore their conversation and just talk to my Mother. My Father can talk for hours and hours about sports, he loves them all just like Finnick. 

“I made key lime pie for dessert, I hope that’s alright Finnick.” My Mother says pulling the pie from the fridge. 

Both my Father and Finnick look like they forgot we were even here. 

“Yes, that sounds delicious.” Finnick says, and it is delicious. No one can make key lime pie like my Mother. 

I’m surprised how long the dinner lasted while we drive home. 

“I really liked your Dad and your Mom was so sweet.” He says. 

“They liked you too.”

“And your Mom is a really good cook.” He says.

“I’m sure you would think that, you said no one in your family could cook.” I say. 

He rolls his eyes. 

“I still know good food when I taste it.” He says. 

“Right.” I say with a smile. 

**\-----------**

“I’ll be fine.” I say to my Mom. She drove me to the airport even though both of my parents insisted on seeing me off. I said Mom would be enough. I didn’t want to be too embarrassed; it is only a two-hour flight. 

“I know you will be, but I just want to make sure.” She says. “I want you to have fun Annie.” She says.

“Don’t worry I will.” I say. 

Don’t worry I plan to, would be a more accurate statement. 

“And tell Finnick hello from us.” She says. 

“I will.” I say and she pulls me in for a hug. 

“Have fun Annie.” She says again. 

“I will.” I say. 

**\--------**

_You will not throw up. You will not throw you. You will not throw up._ I think as soon as I sit down. I’m hoping if I think it enough my body won’t do it. 

I got a window seat so I could look out at something besides the inside of the plane. Although seeing how high up in the air might just freak me out.

The flight attendant starts telling us how to put on the oxygen masks in case of an emergency. 

_The plane won’t crash._ I think through her whole demonstration. _Everything will be okay. Nothing bad is going to happen._

I grip the seat when we take off. 

_Two hours to go._

**\-------**

“Excuse me Miss, you need to deplane now.” A kind voice says. 

“What?” I say confused. 

“You need to deplane now; I can assist you with your luggage.” The flight attendant says. I look around and there’s no one else on the plane. I don’t even remember the plane landing. I was so focused on telling myself the plane won’t crash that I probably didn’t notice. I had my seatbelt on tightly the whole trip. 

_How long was I sitting here? Is Finnick worried about me?_

“Um no, that's okay.” I say. My voice sounds forced. 

I stand and flex my fingers. I was gripping the arm rest the entire trip. 

**\--------**

“Annie!” Finnick shouts and waves. 

I run over and give him a tight hug. 

“How was the flight?” He asks softly. 

“I’m alive.” I say. 

“Yes, you are.” He says. He's holding my suitcase.

“You have my bag?” I say. 

“You had your personal information all over it, I figured it was alright to take it.”

“No, that’s fine, great.” I say. I check to make sure he got the right one though. 

“So now what?” I ask. 

“We’re going to my home. I figured we could take a cab. I don’t think you want to ride the subway after the flight.” He says. 

“You figured correct.” I say and grasp his hand. “Don’t let go of me.” I say. The airport is so big and there are so many people. I don’t want to go through the embarrassment of what happened in high school. I ‘got lost’ a.k.a got separated from.my friends in a mall. My parents didn’t give us cell phones until we were able to drive so I couldn’t text or call them. I went to the security place, I figured they would have a phone I could use, but that’s not what happened. They announced over the loudspeaker that they found a lost child, me. I was so embarrassed that I just wanted to walk home. That was the last time I went to a mall. 

“I won’t.” He says and kisses my cheek. 

I don’t feel relaxed until we are in the cab. I’m still gripping Finnick tightly though, like he will disappear if I let go. 

**\-------**

The cab ride was longer than I expected but I suspect it was because of the traffic. I got a good look at some buildings and driving through Times Square is probably the closest I want to get to it. 

I shudder at the thought of just going there, all those people. 

“You okay?” Finnick asks when we get out of the cab and walk into the building.

“Hello Mr. Odair.” The security guard says and Finnick nods. 

“Yeah.” I say to Finnick.

Everything here looks so nice, so expensive and we’re just in the lobby. When we get in the elevator there are many buttons, there must be many floors and each has a key slot.

Finnick pulls out a small key and puts it in the _PH4_ slot. It lights up as soon as he removes the key. 

“Are you hungry? We could order a pizza, I figured we could just relax for the rest of the day and tomorrow I will show you around.” He says. 

“Pizza sounds great.” I say. I haven’t eaten all day. I skipped breakfast in fear of throwing up on the plane.

He nods and the elevator door opens. 

_Holy crap_

I assumed _PH_ stood for penthouse and it does. There's a giant glass window that lets you view the entire city. A large Christmas tree is obstructing some of the view, but it’s still amazing. We are so high up. Hardwood floors and expensive artwork cover the place. Even the furniture looks expensive. 

_How loaded are his parents?_

There's a staircase off to the side but everything is so wide and open. Finnick's parents are obviously rich. How else could they live in a penthouse in a very expensive city.

"This is very uh nice." I say. 

"Well, it's home. Let's bring your things upstairs." He says and we walk upstairs. He doesn’t seem phased by my reaction. Did he not expect me to freak out or does he know me better?

He takes me to the room above the staircase. There are 4 other doors, I'm assuming one of them is the bathroom. 

"What kind of bed is that?" I ask. It's huge, even though it is so big it doesn't clutter the room.

"It's a king and the sheets were put on this morning. The maid usually changes sheets every two days-"

"Maid." I say baffled.

"Don't worry she has time off so we will be alone." 

"You have a maid." I say with disbelief.

"Hey she also cooks." He says.

"You're like super rich." I say.

"You don't have to be super rich to hire a maid." He says. Well I guess that is true. "But yes, my family is rich." He says.

"Is this why you always want to buy me things?" I ask.

"No… well it's why I wanted to buy you an expensive present." He says. "You're not mad, are you?" He asks.

"Mad about what?" I ask.

"That I didn't tell you." 

"You don't need to tell me your family is rich. Just don’t buy me anything expensive." I say. 

"Don't worry I stuck to your 50 dollar Christmas present budget." He says.

I sigh with relief. I pretty much had to beg Finnick not to have a hundred dollar limit. Although knowing how rich his family is, I can see why it doesn't matter to him.

"Good." I say.

"Listen I figured we could do the present thing tomorrow."

"Okay." I say and he sets down my bag.

"Now I can show you around or we could just order that pizza." He says. 

“I think pizza for now, gawking at your house after.” I say and he chuckles. 

**\---------**

"So, I was thinking maybe I could take you somewhere while you're here." He says and takes a slice of pizza.

"Where?" I ask.

"The Museum of Modern Art." He says.

I perk up. 

"I made my Dad take me 2 times when I was a kid. I loved it." I say and take a bite of my pizza.

"So that would be cool, even though there will be lots of people?" He says.

"Yes, it will be cool." I say. "So tomorrow?" I ask.

I was thinking we go on a weekday. Besides tomorrow will be our Christmas."

"Our Christmas." I say with a smile.

He nods. 

"That's why we are saving the presents for tomorrow." He says and I nod. "You can put the present under the tree if you want." He says.

"Okay." I say. 

**\--------**

I sigh when the shower water hits me washing away the scent of travel and grime from the plane. Okay I know that is overdramatic but this shower is so nice. Everything in this house is so nice. I hope I don’t get used to it because no way will I find water pressure like this at home.

I get in my pajamas and french braid my hair after the shower. 

_Now what do I do?_

I walk back downstairs Finnick is watching something on TV. 

“Uh… hi.” I say and he turns. 

“Are you going to bed?” He asks with a teasing smile. It’s only 10:00 at night. 

“Maybe.” I say. 

“I’ll go to. I’ll have to keep up with that 5:00 am schedule.” He teases. 

I roll my eyes. 

“Goodnight Annie.” He says when we are outside my door. He kisses my cheek. I was curious how the sleeping situation would work when I was here. Would we share a bed or not? I wonder if Finnick was worried about it as well. 

I watch him walk down the hall to his room.

_I don’t want to sleep alone. I want to fall asleep in his arms. Finnick makes me feel safe and New York isn’t, there are many killings here. I wonder if anyone has ever broken into one of these fancy apartments. If you know how to reroute a wire, I’m sure you could figure it out._

"Finnick." I blurt out. I probably sound crazy or upset. 

"Yes?" He asks.

"Can you stay with me?" I say and bite my bottom lip. I'm not a child. I shouldn't need someone to look over me but this place is different., I’m not used to it. I guess it isn't that much different from a hotel room. I can’t always have someone as a security blanket. 

"Yeah." He says with a smile and lies down on the bed next to me. He’s pretty far away from me. He fell asleep in my bed once and kept his distance then too. 

_Maybe he doesn't like sharing a bed. Maybe he thinks I don't like sharing a bed. Maybe he is trying to be nice._

This bed is so big it doesn't really matter, he’ll have plenty of room.

I scoot closer and closer to him until I’m right next to him. I snuggle up next to him, l don't feel his body tense or push me away so I stay.

Eventually he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close.

"Are you okay?" He asks, running his hand up and down my back. 

"Yes." I say and breathe his scent in, it makes me feel calm. Finnick makes me feel safe.


	9. Chapter 9

Finnick groans when my phone goes off. Since its winter break, I let myself sleep in until 8:00. My first class for the new semester is 8:15 so I can sleep in longer anyway.

"Turn it off." Finnick says grumpily. I remember Peeta telling me Finnick can be a jerk in the morning. I hope he isn’t, this doesn’t seem so bad.

I pry myself from his warm arms and turn off my alarm. He welcomes me back into his arms easily.

"It's not 5:00 in the morning is it?" He grumbles, eyes still closed.

"No, it's 8:00." I say and kiss his cheek.

"I guess that's better." He mumbles but is already falling back to sleep. 

"You're silly." I whisper into his chest.

I keep expecting him to wake back up but he doesn't. After a while I get out of bed to get ready for the day and head downstairs. 

I didn't really go to the kitchen yesterday. I don't know why I'm shocked by all the appliances. They're so shiny and new, I'm wondering if anyone ever uses them. He did say the maid cooked.

I decide to leave the kitchen when the smart fridge says good morning. 

_How can anyone live with a fridge that talks to them_? 

I turn the TV to the hallmark channel so I can watch some cheesy Christmas movies. 

"I'm surprised you didn't go for breakfast." Finnick says with a smile.

His bed head makes his already messy hair worse but I find it cute.

"I got nervous when the appliances started talking to me."

"Don't worry it's not a syfy movie where the fridge will take over the world."

"I always wondered who would buy a smart fridge." I say. I always thought it was a dumb idea. Just because technology evolves doesn't mean it needs to be everywhere. 

"People who can, they aren't as expensive as you might think." He says and fiddles with the fridge. "There you go, it won't scare you now." He says with a smile.

I shift through the fridge and pull out eggs, mushrooms, and bell peppers. I'm assuming it's okay to use anything since his parents will be gone for almost a month.

"Cutting board?" I ask Finnick.

"It's a granite tabletop, you don't need one." He says through a yawn.

"But what if it's dirty?" I ask. This kitchen is spotless but what if.

"Top cupboard second shelf." He says and grabs a box of cereal. "What are you making?" He asks.

"Omelet, I can use whatever in the fridge, right?" I ask.

He nods.

"Be careful with the fruit, sometimes it doesn't get used in time." He says.

"I always check before I eat. I can make something for you as well." I say. I don't want to use up all his food but I honestly think Finnick wouldn't care. 

He chuckles.

"What?" I ask.

_Is he laughing at me?_

"You're the guest and you’re offering to make _me_ something." 

"It's polite, and this is your food." I say. 

"We'll probably need to go grocery shopping if you plan on making everything." He says.

I nod. I don't like having takeout every day. "Well, for lunch there is leftover pizza." I say.

"Do the Cresta's do anything special for Christmas?" He asks.

"Uhh we open presents in the morning and always have prime rib." I say.

_That's right today is our Christmas. I should've remembered. I should be making a special breakfast._

He nods.

"Well we can open presents now, if you want." He says with a smile.

"No." I say and flip the omelet. "We should make our own traditions." 

"I like that idea." He says with a big smile. "What exactly does that entail?" He asks.

"We'll see how the day goes." I say.

"Maybe sleeping in should be one of them." He teases and I roll my eyes.

* * *

The day isn't very eventful. We watch Christmas movies for the majority of the day and stay in our pajamas.

"Please can we open presents now?" Finnick asks like a child. It's only 2:00 in the afternoon.

"Okay." I say nervously. I didn't really know what to get him. Considering Finnick is good at buying me things, I'm worried it won't be good enough. 

"I'll go first." I say and take Finnick's present well presents there are lots of small ones.

He gave me new sculpting tools, chocolate covered espresso beans from the cafe, and a silver locket with a crescent moon.

“You remembered I said I liked this?” I ask running my finger over the necklace chain. I told him it looked pretty in passing when we were at the store. I didn’t think he would buy it. I know it wasn’t expensive, so I think it is safe to say he stayed on budget. 

“Of course, I did.” He says and helps me put it on. “I remember lots of things about you Annie.” He says and I can feel my face flush. 

“Thank you.” I say and kiss him. “I love it.” 

“You’re welcome.” He says and picks up his present. “Now, my turn.” He with a wicked smile.

I can feel my heart race as he tears the wrapping paper away. I’m trying my best not to pick at my nails or snap the rubber band. 

_What if he doesn’t like it?_

“Nice.” He says and holds out the jersey I got him. It’s one of his favorite athletes, I think it’s football but am not 100% sure. 

"It's supposed to be a new design. If it's not or you already have it, I'm sure we can exchange it. I saved the receipt." I say.

"I was going to get this but when you started asking about my favorite sports players I held off. I figured you had something cooked up" He says with a smile.

I knew I wasn't being subtle so I don't care.

"Ooo there's a card too." He says with a smile.

I can feel my face get hot. 

_He's going to think this is stupid. I should've just stopped with the jersey._

He looks confused when he opens it.

"A takeout menu for Sakura?" 

Sakura is a Japanese restaurant back home that I know Finnick wants to go to. He obviously didn't ask because he probably thought I would say no. Honestly, I probably would've but I want to do something special for his Christmas present. I want to make him happy. 

"I uh… I know you want to go there and thought when we went back to school, we could go together. Since it is your Christmas present, I'll pay.” I say and bite my bottom lip. When he doesn't say anything, I get nervous.

"Forget it… it was a stupid idea." I say.

_Someone kill me right now. I thought it would be nice. It's something **you** would like Annie. _

I'm about to start snapping the rubber band when he takes my hand to hold. 

"You got on a plane _and_ want to go to a crowded restaurant you've never been to before?" He asks.

"Well… I wouldn't want to go during a rush but since it is your present you can choose. Although I will not eat raw fish." I say, still getting no response. "We don't have to go… it was a stupid idea." I say trying to hide the embarrassment but to my surprise he kisses me. 

"You do so much for me Annie." He says and pushes a stray hair behind my ear.

"I just want to make you happy." I mumble and feel a tightness in my chest. I'm too afraid to say those three words. 

"You already make me happy." He says.

“And you make me happy.” I say and touch the locket. “But I wanted to do something special.” I say. 

_How sad is that, something special to me means going to a new restaurant._

“Well I love it. The jersey and the promise of a meal.” He says with a smile. 

“I’m glad.” I say.

“Merry Christmas.” He says and kisses my cheek. 

“Merry Christmas.” I say with a smile.

* * *

"I love your showers." I say with a smile.

I didn't have to ask Finnick to sleep in my bed this time. He's already in my bed when I get out of the shower. We didn’t do much for the rest of the day, just binged watched Christmas movies and ate an absurd amount of candy and my espresso beans. 

"They are better than the ones in my apartment." He says. 

"They're better than my parents." I say and hop in bed.

Finnick smiles and I try to.

I probably look awful. I'm wearing my ratty pajamas and glasses. I don't wear cute pajamas with cupcakes on them. I wear oversized shirts and flannel pants. 

"Do you always braid your hair when you sleep?" He asks and runs his finger over the braid.

"I like braiding my hair after a shower. Why?" I ask.

"It makes you look cute." He says and I feel my ears burning. 

I just listen to his heartbeat and enjoy his hands around me. 

“The first of many of our Christmases.” He says. 

“Many?” I say. 

“Oh yes, I can’t wait to see what happens next year.” He says and runs his hand up rand down my back. 

“Next year?” I say. 

“Did I get a parrot for Christmas as well?” He teases.

I sigh. 

“I plan to spend many Christmases with you Annie.” He says

“Me too.” I say and snuggle into his chest. I get that tightness again. I can’t hold it in any longer because it feels like I’m lying to him. “Finnick.” I say and swallow hard. 

“Yes?” He says. 

“I l-love you.” I say in one big huff. “You don’t have to say anything… just because I feel something doesn’t mean you do too.” I ramble and draw small circles on his shirt. 

“You love me?” He says surprised. 

“Yes.” I say so soft I’m not sure he heard. 

“I’ve never said that to someone.” Finnick says. 

“Me too.” I say. 

He nods. 

“I’ve never said that so when I do say it, I want to mean it, and not just say it because you did.” He says. 

“Good.” I say. 

“Good?” He says confused. 

“I don’t want you to lie just to make me happy.” I say and kiss his cheek. 

“I care for you deeply Annie.” He says. 

“I know and I love that.” I say with a smile.

He nods and kisses the top of my head.

“Goodnight Annie.”

“Goodnight Finnick.”


End file.
